Funny

"With a philosophy education, one can infuriate his peers, intimidate his date, think of obscure, unreliable ways to make money, and never regret a thing."

"Hey, I am thinking of it myself, in this part of world (East), we all do endeavors in praying and are sweating (white liquid) and this is our situation, frustrated , but on the other part of world (West) ,they are enjoying in party and drinking liquor (white liquid) but their situation is that, successful, I do not know that the problem relates to the type of liquid or the way of drinking!!"

"I started studying law, but this I could stand just for one semester. I couldn't stand more. Then I studied languages and literature for two years. After two years I passed an examination with the result I have a teaching certificate for Latin and Hungarian for the lower classes of the gymnasium, for kids from 10 to 14. I never made use of this teaching certificate. And then I came to philosophy, physics, and mathematics. In fact, I came to mathematics indirectly. I was really more interested in physics and philosophy and thought about those. It is a little shortened but not quite wrong to say: I thought I am not good enough for physics and I am too good for philosophy. Mathematics is in between."

"I Take Life Very Seriously: One Joke At A Time."

"To be, or not to be: what a question!"

"I think I exist, therefore I exist. I think."

"A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it."

"When you are angry try your best to go to sleep, it keeps you away from speaking, writing and thinking while you are angry."

"Intelligence is more important than strength, that is why earth is ruled by men and not by animals."

"If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for."

"Whenever I think of something but can't think of what it was I was thinking of, I can't stop thinking until I think I'm thinking of it again. I think I think too much."

"Save your explanations, I got some questions for you first and you'd better answer them!' [slurred Hellian.] 'With what' [Banaschar] sneered. 'Explanations' 'No. Answers. There's a difference-' 'Really? How? What difference' 'Explanations are what people use when they need to lie. Y'can always tell those,'cause those don't explain nothing and then they look at you like they just cleared things up when really they did the opposite and they know it and you know it and they know you know and you know they know that you know and they know you and you know them and maybe you go out for a pitcher later but who picks up the tab? That's what I want to know.' 'Right, and answers' 'Answers is what I get when I ask questions. Answers is when you got no choice. I ask, you tell. I ask again, you tell some more. Then I break your fingers, 'cause I don't like what you're telling me, because those answers don't explain nothing!"

"You look angry," he said."You put me on hold."For a very good reason."You put me," she said very, very slowly, "on hold."

"Get me outa here. F*ckin' creepy cheerleaders."

"Percy looked at his friends. “I’m getting tired of this guy’s shirt."

"There were no windows in my bedroom, so I had to sit up and read my clock to figure out how angry I should be at my visitor. Eight A. M. I hated whoever woke me up. Had they come an hour earlier, I would have also hated their families and any household pets."

"Some stories have to be written because no one would believe the absurdity of it all."

"They said I was a valued customer, now they send me hate mail."

"Home is where, when you go there and tell people to get out, they have to leave."

"You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself."