Funny

"Whatever you do, in the privacy of your own rain shower, is your own business"

"How'd you get to be so good at this"I had a good teacher."Better not have been Myrnin or I'll have to kick his predatory ass."I mean you, dummy."Oh."

"Don’t do anything stupid."Don’t worry," I whispered over the line, "I’m an expert on stupid."You’re..."Like, I can spot stupidity, because I know it so well. The way an exterminator knows bugs really well, and can spot where they’ve been? I’m like that. A stupidinator."Never say that word again," Prof said."

"When I die, I want them to bury me facedown and ass up so that the whole world can kiss my ass!"

"A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween."

"Yeah, I get it; you're a vampire," she said. "Creepy. And okay, a little hot, I admit." "You don't mean that." "Come on. I still like you, you know, even if you... crave plasma." Michael blinked and looked at her as if he had never seen her before."You what"Like. You." Eve enunciated slowly, as if Michael might not know the words. "Idiot. I always have. What, you didn't know" Eve sounded cool and grown-up about it, but Claire saw the hectic color in her cheeks, under the makeup. "How clueless are you? Does it come with the fangs" "I guess I... I just thought... Hell. I just didn't think... You're kind of intimidating, you know." "I'm intimidating? Me? I run like a rabbit from trouble, mostly," Eve said."It's all show and makeup. You're the one who's intimidating. I mean, come on. All that talent, and you look... Well, you know how you look." " How do I look" He sounded fascinated now, and he'd actually moved a little closer to Eve on the couch. She laughed. "Oh come on. You're a total model-babe." "You're kidding."You don't think you are"He shook his head. "Then you're kind of an idiot, Glass. Smart, but and idiot." Eve crossed her arms.“So? What exactly do you think about me, except that I’m intimidating?”“I think you’re…you’re…ah, interesting?” Michael was amazingly bad at this, Claire thought, but then he saved it by looking away and continuing. “I think you’re beautiful. And really, really strange.”Eve smiled and looked down, and that looked like a real blush, under the rice powder. “Thanks for that, “ she said, “I never thought you knew I existed, or if you did, that you thought I was anything but Shane’s bratty freak friend.”“Well, to be fair, you are Shane’s bratty freak friend.”“Hey!”“You can be bratty and beautiful,” Michael said. “I think it’s interesting."

"No one messes around with a nerd’s computer and escapes unscathed."

"The problem with having evil minions is that minions are stupid."

"The wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone." Red Riding Hood said, "I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to develop your own, entirely valid, worldview. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be on my way."

"Your level of neuroses will only find love in a made-for-TV movie."

"Angelina leaned forward as Sara pulled Miki back to her, "You know what they say about curiosity? That it stabbed the annoying biker girl over and over and over again until she spit up blood."

"HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There arefour kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, andpraiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slainwhether he fell by one kind or another -- the classification is foradvantage of the lawyers."

"Shane, in case we don’t … don’t come out of this, I wanted to say…”He glanced over at her, and she felt her whole body warm from it. She remembered that look. It made her feel naked inside and out, but not in a creepy kind of way. In a way that felt…. Free. “If what you say is true, and I guess it has to be, I think I know why we’re … together,” he said. “I think I’d fall for you no matter what, Claire. You’re kind of awesome."

"Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it."

"I'm about as intimidating as a butterfly."

"The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners."

"He started to touch the mechanism under the keyboard, then pulled his hand back with a snap."Ah," he said. "Must deactivate the security... Turn around, please."What"Turn around, Claire. It's a secure password!"You have GOT to be kidding."Why ever would I joke about that? Please turn."

"A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could have only one book, what would it be? I always say, "How to Build a Boat."

"Why couldn't you turn into a fireball when we were on the same team!"

"If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase."