Funny

"I never feel unsafe except for when the majority is on my side."

"Women were created gullible. It they weren't no babies would be born."

"Fat men take a cushion with them wherever they go."

"Don't be afraid to be afraid. Have fear, and then conquer the shit out of it."

"Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also have to move the chair."

"Go slowly, so that you do not bite your tail by accident."

"The Dimwit's Guide to the Female Mind might assist your efforts in understanding human females. But it must be pointed out that this subject can be a dangerous adventure and should be undertaken with extreme caution. After all, human males have been trying to understand their females for generations, and most of the time they come away from these encounters looking like someone stuck their tails into an electric socket."

"Tolerance! The virtue that makes one bite his tongue so that he can tear out his hair."

"[novan]: bassists are very good with their fingers[novan]: and some of us sing backup vocals, so that means we're good with our mouths too...(~ IM chat with Novan Chang, 18, bassist)"

"Brilliance is impossible without a touch of insanity."

"I was flipping channels, watching this cheerleading program on MTV. They took a field hockey girl and “transformed” her into a cheerleader by the end of the show. I was just wondering: what if she liked field hockey better?"

"Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man."

"Odd, though, all these dealings of mine with myself. First I’ve agreed a principle with myself, now I’m making out a case to myself, and debating my own feelings and intentions with myself. Who is this self, this phantom internal partner, with whom I’m entering into all these arrangements? (I ask myself.)"

"Odd, though, all these dealings of mine with myself. First I’ve agreed a principle withmyself, now I’m making out a case to myself, and debating my own feelings andintentions with myself. Who is this self, this phantom internal partner, with whom I’mentering into all these arrangements? (I ask myself.)"

"To be a philosopher, just reverse everything you have ever been told...and have a sense of humor doing it."

"Good man and bad man with money goes a long ways." ~ Amunhotep El Bey"

"I mean really, how could an artistic individual stay grounded in the nitty-gritty of how many minutes per pound meat has to stay in the oven when trying to fathom the creative philosophy behind the greatest artistic minds of the world?"

"If one thousand of you participate in the murder of one child, then one thousand of you are a thousand times guilty."

"No crime is a means to an end. No crime can be rationalized."

"If one million of you give assent to the one thousand who participate in the murder of a child, then one million of you are a million times guilty."