Funny

"There shall be confusion also in many places, and the fire shall be oft sent out again, and the wild beasts shall change their places, and menstruate women shall bring forth monsters:"

"The Sodomy sea shall cast out fish, and make a noise in the night, which many have not known: but they shall all hear the voice thereof."

"He shall rule, whom they look not for that dwell upon the earth, and the fowls shall take their flight away together:"

"Blood shall drop out of wood, and the stone shall give his voice, and the people shall be troubled:"

"If the most High grant thee to live, thou shall see after the third trumpet that the sun shall suddenly shine again in the night, and the moon thrice in the day:"

"The land, that thou see now to have root, shall thou see wasted suddenly."

"Iniquity shall be increased above that which now thou see, or that thou hast heard long ago."

"As for the tokens whereof thou ask me, I may tell thee of them in part: but as touching thy life, I am not sent to shew thee."

"Consider with thyself; as the rain is more than the drops, and as the fire is greater than the smoke; but the drops and the smoke remain behind: so the quantity which is past did more exceed."

"Stand up upon the right side, and I shall expound the similitude unto thee."

"What betrayed me? Was it my heart? Or my Soul?"

"Like as a young child may not bring forth the things that belong to the aged, even so have I disposed the world which I created."

"Seeing thou hast now given me the way, I will proceed to speak before thee: for our mother, of whom thou hast told me that she is young, draw now nigh unto age."

"They that be born in the strength of youth are of one fashion, and they that are born in the time of age, when the womb fail, are otherwise."

"Even so have I given the womb of the earth to those that be sown in it in their times."

"For a sane person to sincerely be happy that someone has succeeded, they have to either be profiting or likely to profit from that person’s success, or be that person."

"I'm not everyone's cup of tea, because I'm a kick butt cappuccino with extra milk fluff and chocolate sprinkles!"

"Respect? Of course, always, to all, because everything seems funnier when you're trying to show respect."

"Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak."

"When she absently worried her bottom lip with one of her adorable little fangs, he sighed.. Dear gods, it’d finally happened to him. Happiness. Then his own fangs sharpened. I will kill anyone who tries to take this feeling away from me."