Funny

"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."

"You can read minds, and you didn't tell me?” Link stared at me like he just found out I was the Silver Surfer. He rubbed his head nervously. “Hey, man, all that stuff about Lena? I was yankin’ your chain.” He looked away. “Are you doin’ it now? You're doin’ it, aren't you? Dude, get out of my head.” He backed away from me and into the bookshelf.“I can't read your mind, you idiot."

"How are you feeling"I leaned away from him. "Gross."Aiden frowned. "Gross"I haven't brushed my teeth or washed my face in days. Don't come near me."He laughed. "Alex, come on."Seriously, I'm gross." I put my hand over my mouth. Ignoring my protests, he leaned over and brushed my string hair back. "You're as beautiful as always, Alex."I stared at him. He must not get out much."

"Marry me, he says. I got all my own teeth, I wash twice a year an I'll cut you in fer half the business here."

"Because he has the best equipment in the City and he knows how to use it!"

"Bite me, Goth princess,” Shane called from the back. “Not literally or anything.”“Maybe you should say that to Michael.”“Not funny, Eve,” Michael said. Eve raised her eyebrows and held her fingers up, measuring off about an inch. “Little bit,” she said."

"Normal" is just a setting on your dryer."

"The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes."

"Who knew hitting my head and passing out would be so much fun?"

"Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates."

"Promise me, Amelie, that you’ll crucify me with silver before you allow me to fall in love.”“I hardly think there’s any chance of that,” Amelie said. "I doubt you have the capacity."

"Literature doesn’t exactly have a strong mental-health track record."

"My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate."

"You are going to love the sports here. Snow skiing and water-skiing and rock climbing and all kinds of extreme sports. I give you full permission to hurl yourself off stuff."

"Hey, yummy leather guy? Can you hear me? (Amanda)"

"I'm calling it the Watney Triangle because after what I've been through, shit on Mars should be named after me."

"*Appendix usually means "small outgrowth from large intestine," but in this case it means "additional information accompanying main text." Or are those really the same things? Think carefully before you insult this book."

"What is your advice to young writers?” “Drink, fuck and smoke plenty of cigarettes."

"She'd met Colin on a Monday. She'd kissed him on a Friday. Twelve years later. She sighed. It seemed fairly pathetic."

"Ceres wanted a united front in the plant war."The plant war," Percy said. "You're going to arm all the little grapes with tiny assault rifles?"