Funny

"She's cute, I thought, but you don't need to like a girl who treats you like you're ten: You've already got a mom."

"Ethan Wyeth: I hope you're thirsty."Gideon Wyeth:"Why"Ethan: "Cause your dumb and ugly, but I can do something about thirsty."

"If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you."

"Homework is not an option. My bed is sending out serious nap rays. I can't help myself. The fluffy pillows and warm comforter are more powerful than I am. I have no choice but to snuggle under the covers."

"Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today's tasks."

"I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers."

"That sounds terrific, thought Cary, just you, your comatose wife your shell-shocked son, and your daughter who hates your guts. Not to mention that your two kids may be in love with each other. Yeah, that sounds like a perfect family reunion."

"If there were an international butt competition, Eric would win, hands down—or cheeks up."

"Harry Potter isn’t real? Oh no! Wait, wait, what do you mean by real? Is this video blog real? Am I real if you can see me and hear me, but only through the internet? Are you real if I can read your comment but I don’t know who you are or what your name is or where you’re from or what you look like or how old you are? I know all of those things about Harry Potter. Maybe Harry Potter’s real and you’re not."

"The funniest people are the saddest ones"

"Never trust people who smile constantly. They're either selling something or not very bright."

"Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed!"

"Jesper knocked his head against the hull and cast his eyes heavenward. “Fine. But if Pekka Rollins kills us all, I’m going to get Wylan’s ghost to teach my ghost how to play the flute just so that I can annoy the hell out of your ghost.”Brekker’s lips quirked. “I’ll just hire Matthias’ ghost to kick your ghost’s ass.”“My ghost won’t associate with your ghost,” Matthias said primly, and then wondered if the sea air was rotting his brain."

"Remind me," he paused, drawing in a stuttered gasp, "to never piss you off again. Christ, are you secretly a ninja?"

"A ghostly smile flickered across his face. "If you weren't so psychotic, you'd be fun to hang around." "Funny, I feel that way about you too." He didn't say anything else, but the smile grew, and he walked away."

"You…you got rid of that dress fast," I pointed out between heavy breaths. "I thought you liked it." "I do like it," he said. His breathing was as heavy as mine. "I love it." And then he took me to the bed."

"This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this."

"Why it's simply impassible!Alice: Why, don't you mean impos"

"Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it."

"Can I come in?No! I'm in a towel!I'm blind!"