Funny

"It's not because I want to make out with her."Hold on." He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he'd just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at me. "I just did some calculations, and I've been able to determine that you're full of shit"

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."

"Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy."

"When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye."

"Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator."

"They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting."

"It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on."

"Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer."

"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."

"Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear."

"There are few things more mysterious than endings. I mean, for example, when did the Greek gods end, exactly? Was there a day when Zeus waved magisterially down from Olympus and Aphrodite and her lover Ares, and her crippled husband Hephaestus ) I always felt sorry for him), and all the rest got rolled up like a worn-out carpet?"

"Good plan," Freddy was saying. "Let's get some decent sleep. Tomorrow we can shake our gravy asses into town and do some sluething."

"Sir Henry fixed him with a keen eye.'Odd name, Tom Skatt - eh''Thats right''You don't think we could be related'Tom looked up at his great-great-great-uncle and smiled.'I don't think so''No,' grinned Sir Henry "no, of course not"

"She needed Andrew Simpson Smith, it was that simple. And he had spent his life training to help people like her. Gods. "Okay, Andrew. But let's leave today. I'm in a hurry."Of course. Today." He stroked the place where his slight beard was beginning to grow. "These ruins where your friends are waiting? Where are they"Tally glances up at the sun, still low enough to indicate the eastern horizon. After a moment's calculation, she pointed off to the northwest, back toward the city and beyond that, the Rusty Ruins. "About a week's walk that way." "A week"That means seven days."Yes, I know the gods' calendar," he said huffily. "But a whole week"Yeah. That's not so far, is it" The hunters had been tireless on their march the night before. He shook his head, an awed expression on his face. "But that is beyond the edge of the world."

"My imaginary pal up there, Mr. NOT, tells me it's my dog-damn ism to kick your illusory he-man's ass. Now, what do you say to that?"

"It's funny how the ugly duckling always has so many beautiful things to teach us."

"Wise is the fool who becomes a master at laughter."

"Given a choice between goose egg and heartache, I would choose heartache."

"Luke is the sort of boy Taylor Swift could get at least three songs out of."

"I’m twenty-four, a first grade teacher, have a Yorkie named Pedro, a goldfish named Fish, have never had sex, or a serious boyfriend, and I’m the town lesbian who pukes when she sees a pussy. Nothing really to be jealous of at all."