Funny

"Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff? “I’m not one of those fancy Harvard heart surgeons. I’m just an unlicensed plumber with a dream and I’d like to cut your chest open.” The crowd cheers."

"My friend "M" says the irony of being a zombie is that everything is funny, but you can't smile, because your lips have rotted off."

"Oh, there you are, Albus,' he said. 'You've been a very long time. Upset stomach''No, I was merely reading the Muggle magazines,' said Dumbledore. 'I do love knitting patterns."

"Vampires. They wrote the book on possessive."

"Magnus raised his hands above his head and clapped once. The room flooded with light. "You see? You think that would be possible without magic? "Actually," replied Simon, "It is. If you watched infomercials you'd know that."

"So that's it" Kenji says. "You just like him for his personality, huh"What"All of this," Kenji says, waving a hand in the air, "has nothing to do with him being all sexy and shit and him being able to touch you all the time"You think Warner is sexy"That is not what I said."

"Juan gave Bones the most admiring look he’d bestowed on him yet. “You talked her into going without panties all these years? Madre de Dios, now that’s impressive. I could learn a great deal from you, amigo."

"Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use."

"You're insane!" she shouted."Pretty cool, huh"No!"Tally yelled. "Why didn't you tell me it was broken"Shay shrugged. "More fun that way"More fun" Her heart beating fast,her vision strangely clear. She was full of anger and relief and...joy."Well, kind of. But you suck!"

"IF WE DIE FOR THEM, I'LL KILL YOU, HARRY!"

"I didn't want to spoil the mood. This was probably the longest Daemon and I had ever spoken without some statement earning him the finger."

"Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system."

"If you're texting Magnus to say 'I think u r kewl' I'm going to kill you"

"However, if you do start crying in an argument and someone asks why, you can always say, "I'm just crying because of how wrong you are."

"Well, someone slap my butt and give me a hero cookie. (Nick)"

"Are you a female dog"What" Massie asked."

"Zebrowski says that if you killed someone else just hide the body, he's not starting over on the paperwork."

"What's a dementor"I mean, I can't even. "Nora, you are no longer my sister."So it's some Harry Potter thing," she says."

"Ronan's bedroom door burst open. Hanging on the door frame, Ronan leaned out to peer past Gansey. He was doing that thing where he looked like both the dangerous Ronan he was now and the cheerier Ronan he had been when Gansey first met him."Hold on," Gansey told Adam. Then, to Ronan: "Why would he be"No reason. Just no reason." Ronan slammed his door. Gansey asked Adam, "Sorry. You still have that suit for the party"Adam's response was buried in the sound of the second-story door falling open. Noah slouched in. In a wounded tone, he said, "He threw me out the window!"Ronan's voice sang out from behind his closed door: "You're already dead!"

"Pressure is something you feel when you don't know what the hell you're doing."