Funny

"I really don’t think you should put your hand inside the manticore, dear. You don’t know where it’s been. —Enid Healy"

"First rule of thievery,' Eli said, grinning, 'only run if you're not coming back.' (...) 'First rule of thievery, never use the same entrance twice.' Miranda rolled her eyes. 'How many 'first rules' of thievery do you have' 'When one mistake can mean your head on a pike, every rule's a first rule,' Eli said cheerfully."

"Lia let out a low growl and moved her arrow to the base of his fat throat. "What do you think, Gabi? Would you like to see these nuptials through"Not this day," I said"How about on the morrow" Marcello asked, smiling and lifting my hand to his lips. "If I am your groom"Hold that e Harmony thought," Lia whispered in English. "We gotta get out of here."

"It kind of struck me how great it would be to go out with a guy that size. And if you, you know, got tired of dating him, you could always use him as a house or something."

"...that was before I'd started thinking about how life stuck on a ship wouldn't be so bad if Elder walked around pantless more."

"Myrnin was silent for a beat, and then he said, "Bob would be very disappointed in you."

"If my name was Richard, I'd go by Richard or Rich...not Dick. Hell I'd even settle for being called Chard."

"Now how do I access Google?”Was he serious? “Why do you need Goog"

"The logic behind patriotism is a mystery. At least a man who believes that his own family or clan is superior to all others is familiar with more than 0.000003% of the people involved."

"Scott Waldron.' 'What' Robbie's lip curled in a glimace of disgust. 'The jockstrap? Why, does he need you to teach him how to read' I scowled at him. 'Just because he's captain of the football team doesn't mean you can be a jerk. Or are you jealous' 'Oh, of course, that's it,' Robbie said with a sneer. 'I've always wanted the IQ of a rock. No, wait. That would be an insult to the rock..."

"Your... Your aura. It's... amazing. It's shining. I mean, it always shines, but today... Well I've never seen anything like it. I didn't expect that after everything that happened.'I shifted around uncomfortably. If I lit up around Dimitri normally, what on earth happened to my aura post-sex?"

"Go out with me tomorow night," Perry went on. "Let me prove to you that I'm the guy you want."I... I guess I coul go out tomorrow night," Miranda sounded shocked and a little swept off her feet. Then, from the corner of her eyes. Kylie saw something move at the office window. When she looked back, she spotted Burnett and Holiday standing there high-fiving each other. No doubt Burnett was listening to the coversation and sharing the details with Holiday. Perry nodded, stepped closer, and then pressed a quick kiss on Miranda's cheek. It had to be the most romantic thing Kylie had ever seen. ..."What" Miranda asked. "You're happy my date [with Todd] wasn't exciting" "No," Kylie said. "Let's just say we're more excited about tomorrow night's date."A bright smile lit up Miranda's face. "Me too. Can you believ Perry did that? I mean, he was so..."Romantic," Kylie said."Hot," Della added."Sweet," Miranda whispered. "I couldn't stop thinkibng about him all night."And that was the best news Kylie had gotten all day."

"[The cats] scamper in front of my legs, causing me to fall and face plant into whatever furniture is closest. They especially like to play this game when I’m carrying piping hot coffee."

"The skanky vamp biting for bucks on the dark end of state street is your ex boyfriend" William asked. The look on William's face implied he hoped I washed after interacting with Parrish"

"Though I normally approve of plain speaking, as you know, I would suggest that as part of your good behavior, you refer to the king as 'his grace' or even simply 'the king' instead of 'that creature,' by the way."

"It wasn’t enough that I had to worry about playing well and winning the game, but I also had to deal with possibility that one of my teammates could be dragged off the field by the inhabitants of the mental hospital."

"Imagine for a moment that you are the proud owner of a large house which you have spent years of your life painting and decorating and filling with everything you love. It's your home. It's something you've made your own, something for you to be remembered by, something that, perhaps years later, your children and grandchildren can visit and get a view of your life in. It's part of your creativity, your hard work... it's your property. Now suppose you decide to go camping for a couple of weeks. You lock your door and assume that nobody is going to break in... but they do, and when you return home, to your horror you find that not only do these trespassers break in, but they also have quite uniquely imaginative ways of disrespecting, vandalizing and corrupting everything within your property. They light fires on your lawn, your topiary hedges are in heaps of black ashes. There's some blatantly obscene graffiti splattered across your front door, offensive images and rude words splashed on the walls and windows. Your television has been tipped over. Your photographs of family and friends have had the heads cut out of them. There's mold growing in the refrigerator, bottles of booze tipped over on the table, and cigarette smoke embedded into the carpeting. Your beloved houseplants are dead, your furniture has been stripped down and ruined. Basically, the thing you've spent years working for and creating within your lifetime has been tampered with to the point where it is just a grim joke. So, I feel terrible for poor Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Jane Austen and Lewis Carroll, who must be spinning in their graves since they have no rights to their own works of fiction anymore. I'm all for readers being able to read books for free once and only when the deceased author's copyright eventually ends. Still though, did Doyle ever think in a million years that his wonderful characters would be dragged through the mud of every pervy fanfiction that the sick internet geek can think of to create? Did Carroll ever suspect that Alice and the Hatter would become freakish clown-like goth caricatures in Tim Burton's CGI-infested films? Would Austen really want her writing to be sold as badly-formatted ebooks?The sharing of this Public Domain content isn't really an issue. Stories are meant to be told, meant to echo onward forever. That's what makes them magical. That being said, in the Information Age, there's a real lack of respect towards the creators of this original content. If, when I've been dead for 70 years and I then no longer have the rights to my novels, somebody gets the bright idea of doing anything funny with any of those novels, my ghost is going to rise from the grave and do some serious ass-kicking."

"That's worst than gonerreha, man!"

"A new baby! Why, Scarlett, this is a surprise!” he laughed, leaning down to push the blanket away from Ella Lorena's small ugly face." - Rhett Butler"

"Lawyers were notorious for finding cases in the most unlikely places, especially ones with huge potential damagers awards."