Funny

"In spite of all the sparring that went on between us, I sort of liked Morelli. Good judgment told me to stand clear of him, but then I've never been a slave to good judgment."

"The Rusty Ruins were the remains of an old city, a hulking reminder of back when there'd been way too many people, and everyone was incredibly stupid. And ugly."

"A teacher had once told them that men were either beasts, gentlemen, or beasts masquerading as gentlemen. Might there be a fourth category — gentlemen masquerading as beasts?"

"It means the third rail has seven hundred volts of direct current running through it. Touch it and you're human popcorn"

"Are there any other missing persons living under your roof? Elvis? Jimmy Hoffa? Amelia Earhart? I'd just like full disclosure now, before we go any further."

"It was a full Spears album, apparently, and each song was as ridiculous as the one before. They were catchy, yes, but so was the plague."

"So, Americans, then. Self-appointed vigilante defenders of the world, kind of like Superman, if Superman was retarded and only fought crime when he felt like it."

"When it comes to being famous, you’re usually the last to know, and the first to deny it. Unless you were already famous in your head. In which case, party on, Wayne! Party on, Garth!"

"I'm leaving the door partly open," he says as he follows Tegan. "You scream if you need me."Once he is outside, Richard says, "He does realize that if he hears your scream, it's already too late."

"All right, my hope—but I am not saying the rest of it—I have something you need to feel.”She feigned the sound of outrage. “But we barely know each other, sir!”He laughed softly. “But you must hold it in your hand and feel it change,” he urged, in her ear. “I insist. I can wait no longer.”She knew they were on a serious subject, but the flutter of his breath on her skin, the low drawl of his words—heat raced along all her nerve endings. “Will I like it?”“Well, I do have to apologize for its size. It is rather small.” And with that, he pressed something rather small into her hand."

"I would have taken Zeb, purely for entertainment value, but he had an actual date, with a real girl. That hadn't happened in a while, so I was a good friend and put my own needs second to the possibility of him actual sex with a real girl."

"We finally settled on Francis Ford Coppola's version of Dracula, which, unfortunately, Gabriel seemed to think was a comedy. I think it was the combination of Keanu Reeves's British accent and Gary Oldman's elderly Count Dracula hairstyle. They're just misleading."

"You take the words in the sense which is most damaging to the argument."

"America pays defense contractors to build aircraft carriers. Google pays brilliant programmers to do whatever the hell they want."

"Through lightest dark or darkest light, You dont need no bling to join the fight. We're mercs with mouths and so much more, Yippee-ki-yay, we're the Deadpool Corps!"

"Have they built cities on the moon" another boy asked hopefully."We left some garbage and a flag there in the sixties, but thats about it."

"I haven't met that many women, human or angelic, who actually like to drive. In my experience they seem to be much more pragmatic about the whole thing than we are. For most males, driving is an extension of their masculinity; they have little fantasy scenarios going all the time - races, chases, and dramatic combat with other drivers. Females, on the other hand, generally seem to view driving as something you do to get somewhere. I know, crazy."

"Just because we don't understand why they'd cover up something doesn't mean they aren't," Bobby said, and we both turned to look at him. "Now you just sound paranoid," I said. "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you," Bobby said with an expression so serious that I couldn't help but laugh."

"Impressive," Court offered, gallantly bending to retrieve the shoe. "You should join the theater."Fuck you."I owed you that."Revenge is a dish best served with a side of handcuffs and a hard ass-fucking. Remember"

"When Matthew merely stared at him, Jackson reached into the weapon box and pulled out a sheathed machete, handing it to the boy. Matthew laughed and dropped it."