Funny

"You have better luck than you think you do,” Cian said firmly. Turning back toward him, she said, “Yeah? Prove it?”You found me.”Yeah, and awakening your inner vampire, scaring the shit out of yourgirlfriend, and screwing up your life.”Then that's my bad luck,” he corrected her."

"She was my friend because she was kind and funny but she had a face like two oysters fused together in a Star Trek matter transporter accident."

"We already have the Wooden Pillar, the Steel Pillar and the Plastic Pillar. In a moment we will have the Golden Bail...'No, you won't.'We will,' stated the robot simply. No, you won't. It makes my ship work.'In a moment,' repeated the robot patiently, 'we will have the Golden Bail...'You will not,' said Zaphod. And then we must go,' said the robot, in all seriousness, 'to a party.'Oh,' said Zaphod, startled, 'can I come'No,' said the robot, 'we are going to shoot you.'Oh, yeah' said Zaphod, waggling his gun. Yes,' said the robot, and they shot him. Zaphod was so surprised that they had to shoot him again before he fell down. (85-86)"

"Says O'Sullivan to me, "Mr. Fay, I'll have a word wid yeh" "Certainly," says I; "what can I do for you" "Sell me your sea- boots, Mr. Fay," says O'Sullivan, polite as can be. "But what will you be wantin' of them" says I. "'Twill be a great favour," says O'Sullivan. "But it's my only pair," says I; "and you have a pair of your own," says I. "Mr. Fay, I'll be needin' me own in bad weather," says O'Sullivan. "Besides," says I, "you have no money." "I'll pay for them when we pay off in Seattle," says O'Sullivan. "I'll not do it," says I; "besides, you're not tellin' me what you'll be doin' with them." "But I will tell yeh," says O'Sullivan; "I'm wantin' to throw 'em over the side." And with that I turns to walk away, but O'Sullivan says, very polite and seducin'-like, still a-stroppin' the razor, "Mr. Fay," says he, "will you kindly step this way an' have your throat cut" And with that I knew my life was in danger, and I have come to make report to you, sir, that the man is a violent lunatic."

"Owl love you forever"

"I want to do it too!” said Gazzy, sitting very, very quietly, completely motionless.“Nope,” said Nudge, shaking her head. “You stand out like a fart in church."

"I got an 'A' in Business Marketing in college!- as if that means a goddamn thing in the real world..."

"I'll be supposed upon a book, his face is the worst thing about him."

"Aunt Elizabeth said, 'Do you expect to attend many balls, if I may ask' and I said, 'Yes, when I am rich and famous.' and Aunt Elizabeth said, 'Yes, when the moon is made of green cheese."

"Don't you think you're quite young''I'm twenty-one,' said Brida. 'If I wanted to start learning ballet, I'd be conseidered too old."

"I didn't say what kind of book. You have a foul mind Bingley."Don't mock me on my sister's wedding day!"I mocked you on yours; I hardly see how this is as bad," was Darcy's reply."

"How did you get in here' (...) 'How I got here isn't important, because I could do it twenty times again, each time a different way."

"The pigs can't stop the fox; I'm too quick,' Takumi said to himself. "I can rhyme while I run; I'm that slick."

"We're too different now. We want different things. And this" I say nodding at our hands. "All this managed to prove is that you are extremely good at turning me off"

"Abby Von Normal - And I'm like, "Don't change the subject, Kung Pao, what I want to know is if you're ready to spend some up-close and personal time with ninety pounds of barbarian woman-flesh! Sorry, I don't know how much that is in kilos."

"What's big, thick, makes the earth move, and wants to have its way with you" "I don't know, but can you introduce me?"

"Smartass Disciple: Why men don't ready yet to join the intergalactic confederation?Master of Stupidity: Men could make them laugh to death. It'd be too risky for them."

"There are four categories of questions Emmily asks:1. Can I please go to the bathroom?2. Where is the bathroom?3. Is it okay if I raise my hand and ask a question?4. I don't understand anything you've said in the last thirty minutes. Could you explain it again? Also the last six weeks."

"The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as long as you keep telling yourself, "I want to love, I want to live..."

"... Don't you just hate a phony-looking stiff" - Aunt Edna"