Terry Pratchett

"People on the side of The People always ended up disappointed, in any case. They found that The People tended not to be grateful or appreciative or forward-thinking or obedient. The People tended to be small-minded and conservative and not very clever and were even distrustful of cleverness. And so the children of the revolution were faced with the age-old problem: it wasn't that you had the wrong kind of government, which was obvious, but that you had the wrong kind of people."

"It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing."

"Granny Weatherwax had a primal snore. It had never been tamed. No one had ever had to sleep next to it, to curb its wilder excesses by means of a kick, a prod in the small of the back, or a pillow used as a bludgeon. It had had years in a lonely bedroom to perfect the knark, the graaah, and the gnoc, gnoc, gnoc unimpeded by the nudges, jabs, and occasional attempts at murder that usually moderate the snore impulse over time"

"A European says: I can't understand this, what's wrong with me? An American says: I can't understand this, what's wrong with him?I make no suggestion that one side or other is right, but observation over many years leads me to believe it is true."

"Amazin'.' he said again. 'He just looks as though he's thinking, right''Er...yes.''But he's not actually thinking''Er...no.''So...he just gives the impression of thinking but really it's just a show''Er...yes.'Just like everyone else, then really,' said Ridcully"

"You could bounce rocks off her pride."

"It's like people care more about their pride than about what's correct, about the truth."

"Its like people care more abput their pride than about what's correct, about the truth."

"Ye mustn't be afraid to ask for help. Pride is a good thing, my girl, but it will kill you in time."

"Supposing an emperor was persuaded to wear a new suit of clothes whose material was so fine that, to the common eye, the clothes weren't there. And suppose a little boy pointed out this fact in a loud, clear voice... Then you have The Story of the Emperor Who Had No Clothes. But if you knew a bit more, it would be The Story of the Boy Who Got a Well-Deserved Thrashing from His Dad for Being Rude to Royalty, and Was Locked Up. Or The Story of the Whole Crowd Who Were Rounded Up by the Guards and Told 'This Didn't Happen, OK? Does Anyone Want to Argue'Or it could be a story of how a whole kingdom suddenly saw the benefit of the 'new clothes', and developed an enthusiasm for healthy sports in a lively and refreshing atmosphere which got many new adherents every year, and led to a recession caused by the collapse of the conventional clothing industry. It could even be a story about The Great Pneumonia Epidemic of '09. It all depends on how much you know."

"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."

"There is a very interesting debate raging at the moment on the nature of sin, for example."And what do they think? Against it, are they"It is not as simple as that. It's not a black and white issue. There are so many shades of gray."Nope."Pardon"There's no grays, only white that's got grubby. I'm surprised you don't know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people as things. Including yourself. That's what sin is."It's a lot more complicated than that--"No it ain't. When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they means they're getting worried that they won't like the truth. People as things, that's where it starts."Oh, I'm sure there are worse crimes-"But they Starts with thinking about people as things…"

"The dogged determination and patience of one person to do what is Right and Necessary may not always win the day or even be noticed, but it will tip the balance just a little in the direction of good."

"It is possibly worth mentioning at this point that Mr. Young thought that paparazzi was a kind of Italian linoleum."

"THERE IS NO JUSTICE" said Death "JUST ME"

"... Human beings, little bags of thinking water held up briefly by fragile accumulations of calcium..."

"He wasn't sure he liked everything that was happening, but a lot of it was "cultural," apparently, and you couldn't object to that, so he didn't. "Cultural" sort of solved problems by explaining that they weren't really there."

"Just for a moment there was an unusual feeling of bliss. Strange word, he thought. It's one of those words that describe something that does not make a noise but, if it did make a noise, would sound just like that. Bliss. It's like the sound of a soft meringue melting gently on a warm plate."

"You see a wile, you thwart. Am I right?"

"Rincewind stared, and knew that there were far worse things than Evil. All the demons in Hell would torture your very soul, but that was precisely because they valued souls very highly; evil would always try to steal the universe, but at least it considered the universe worth stealing. But the gray world behind those empty eyes would trample and destroy without even according its victims the dignity of hatred. It wouldn't even notice them."