Terry Pratchett

"It looked like the sort of book described in library catalogues as 'slightly foxed', although it would be more honest to admit that it looked as though it had been badgered, wolved and possibly beared as well."

"“Do you understand what I'm saying?shouted Moist. You can't just go around killing people!Why Not? You Do. The golem lowered his arm. What? snapped Moist. I do not! Who told you that?I Worked It Out. You Have Killed Two Point Three Three Eight People, said the golem calmly. I have never laid a finger on anyone in my life, Mr Pump. I may be–– all the things you know I am, but I am not a killer! I have never so much as drawn a sword!No, You Have Not. But You Have Stolen, Embezzled, Defrauded And Swindled Without Discrimination, Mr Lipvig. You Have Ruined Businesses And Destroyed Jobs. When Banks Fail, It Is Seldom Bankers Who Starve. Your Actions Have Taken Money From Those Who Had Little Enough To Begin With. In A Myriad Small Ways You Have Hastened The Deaths Of Many. You Do Not Know Them. You Did Not See Them Bleed. But You Snatched Bread From Their Mouths And Tore Clothes From Their Backs. For Sport, Mr Lipvig. For Sport. For The Joy Of The Game.”"

"“We are here and it is now. The way I see it is, after that, everything tends towards guesswork.”"

"If I were you, I'd sue my face for slander."

"When in doubt, choose to live."

"There was this about vampires : they could never look scruffy. Instead, they were... what was the word... deshabille. It meant untidy, but with bags and bags of style."

"“The trouble was that he was talking in philosophy but they were listening in gibberish.”"

"In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of thecat, although in this case there were three determinate states the catcould be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious."

"You can't give her that!' she screamed. 'It's not safe!'IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.'She's a child!' shouted Crumley. IT'S EDUCATIONAL.'What if she cuts herself'THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON."

"The universe contains any amount of horrible ways to be woken up, such as the noise of the mob breaking down the front door, the scream of fire engines, or the realization that today is the Monday which on Friday night was a comfortably long way off. A dog's wet nose is not strictly speaking the worst of the bunch, but it has its own peculiar dreadfulness which connoisseurs of the ghastly and dog owners everywhere have come to know and dread. It's like having a small piece of defrosting liver pressed lovingly against you."

"...it is well known that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you're attempting can't be done."

"“The trouble is you can shut your eyes but you can’t shut your mind.”"

"It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever, he said. Have you thought of going into teaching?"

"In my heart, I'm just a kid from the council houses. I can remember the old cottage and my dad coming round with the tin bath. I'm not a rich man."

"Freedom without limits is just a word."

"I am certain no one sets out to be cruel, but our treatment of the elderly ill seems to have no philosophy to it. As a society, we should establish whether we have a policy of life at any cost."

"It seems that when you have cancer you are a brave battler against the disease, but when you have Alzheimer's you are an old fart. That's how people see you. It makes you feel quite alone."

"Anger is wonderful. It keeps you going. I'm angry about bankers. About the government."

"It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. It is in fact true. It's called living."

"Knowing that you are going to die is, I suspect, the beginning of wisdom."