Funny

"Airplanes may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you."

"Robert said, "This is great, huh? Sorry to butt in and everything, but I really need the extra points. For my grade."Ben nodded and tried to smile. Right, for his grade. He probably wanted to get an A++ in social studies instead of just an A+"

"Paddy Eagan, stay away from falling signs for a bit and you'll be as right as rain come the weekend."

"He's getting away you idiots! Shoot him. I'm wearing Spider-Man underpants!"

"Back from where? you're not going out again and leaving me here are you?? Holy Hercules I sound like somebody's wife"

"The following ten throws went a variety of places. I never hit the target, but I was getting closer. Isabella was laughing so hard she wrote "Please stop can't breathe" in the dirt with her finger."

"I beg your pardon I am drunk without a drink. English wine & words are vulnerable to every man."

"Advice to explorers everywhere: if you would like to recieve due credit for your discoveries, keep a detailed account of your journeys as Columbus did. On Septemeber 28, 1492, after four weeks at sea, he writes: Dear diary... I means journal. Yes, dear journal. That's what I meant to say. Whew. Anyway, we have yet to discover America, and the crew has become increasingly rebellious. I have decided to turn back if we have not spotted it by Columbus Day. Will write again later if not killed by crew. P. S. Last night's buffet was fabulous, the ice sculptures magnificent."

"I persuaded him to throw the dirk away and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself."

"We must eschew anything trivial. We must embrace all that is frivolous... Trivial things take up all your time and dull your senses, whereas frivolity is meaningful, profound, worth living and dying for... If we devote our lives to frivolity, the world will be a far, far better place. Humanity will be better able to fulfill its primary goal, that of having a good time."

"Hey!" Sam snapped, ducking the sticky shrapnel. "Keep your snot to yourself."Dev scoffed at that. "Oh, so now you don't want to touch me, huh" He tsked. "What is it with women? the instant you put a little slime on them, they get squeamish and have no more use for you."

"A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live."

"The policemen agreed they were living with a most peculiar fellow. One moment he was reading classical literature in the original French and quoting Tennyson, and the next he would be discussing the best way to blow up a train."

"Dean: Don't you find that somewhat of an aberration? Doesn't this disturb you my dear? After all, it's not normal. Molly: I know it's not normal for people in this world to be happy, and I'm happy."

"As the station wagon pulled back onto the highway, the sun was slowly sinking below the horizon like a leaky boat. Well, except for that fact that boats are not generally round, orange and on fire. Hmm. Come to think of it, in no way whatsoever did the sun, in this instance, resemble a leaky boat. My apologies. That was a dreadful attempt at simile. Please allow me to try again. As the station wagon pulled back onto the highway, the sun was slowly sinking below the horizon like a self-luminous, gaseous sphere comprised mainly of of hydrogen and helium."

"Okay, well I think the programme is like being screamed at for an hour by a drunk with a strobe-light, but like I said--"

"I can be a gentleman off and on. When the urge hits me. - Tran"

"I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier theywouldn't have to go so fast."

"Don’t do it gurl,” he said with a wink. “You need to pretend like that phone is your best friend’s husband’s dick now drop it."

"HAMLET I will receive it sir with all diligence of spirit. Put your bonnet to his right use, 'tis for the head. OSRIC I thank you lordship, it is very hot. HAMLET No believe me, 'tis very cold, the wind is northerly. OSRIC It is indifferent cold my lord, indeed. HAMLET But yet methinks it is very sultry and hot for my complexion. OSRIC Exceedingly my lord, it is very sultry, as 'twere - I cannot tell how. But my lord, his majesty bade me signify to you that a has laid a great wager on your head. Sir, this is the matter -HAMLET I beseech you remember.(Hamlet moves him to put on his hat)"