Funny

"He says black, I say white and we do grey"

"Just shut up and talk. - Shella"

"Well, well, well," said Aitch Dee, his arms folded across his chest. "Well, well, well, well," replied Pavel, not to be out welled."

"He had waited until I had my door open, then driven away. The perfect gentleman. Sort of like Dracula just before he drank your blood."

"101 Reason why its its great to be a woman : Since the advent of feminism, we can publicly ogle male bodies and not be called sexist. If a man indulges in this behavior over a picture of naked woman, he is a sexist pig, and recompense must be demanded for this slight on womankind."

"It’s been so many years since I actually had a date that I’ve forgotten how to act. You don’t mention your ex when you’ve finished fucking your date it’s poor protocol"

"- Do you ever work? Or do you just walk office to office, soliciting blowjobs?- I work occasionally. It's just that the BJs are much more exciting."

"She didn‟t look like the athletic type to me.” “Maybe Nemov carried her. He looked like he could.” “He looked like he could carry his SUV. I don‟t know why he didn‟t."

"Coordinating the retreat was important too, so important that Jiaan had assigned Aram as Fasal's assistant, to be sure he didn't overlook anything important. Like the fact that they were supposed to retreat."

"A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife."

"You see, unlike most writers today, I do not use a computer. I write the old-fashioned way: on the walls of caves."

"The great William Shakespeare said, "What's in a name" He also said, "Call me Billy one more time and I will stab you with this ink quill."

"The humble Cumulus humilis - never hurt a soul."

"Let me tell you the one thing I have against Moses. He took us forty years into the desert in order to bring us to the one place in the Middle East that has no oil!"

"Knowing all the languages in the world could help you to really understand all the jokes you can hear... from my future Kids' Funny Business."

"This kind of mixing of ingredients happens all the time at fast-food places... You know when you order french fries and there's a rogue onion ring at the bottom. You know, at first you're alarmed but you eat it. It all comes from the same place! You just have to go for it."

"The room fell silent. I frankly didn't know what I was going to do to help Eduardo, but I had the sense that he was right- no one else could help him, and without help, all that he'd done would crumble. Plus, I like being called his only hope. I felt like Obi-Wan Kenobi."

"Jackie had now changed her tune, clinging to me as if she liked it. “I’m irresistible, brother, he’s swapping sides for me.”“I can’t fight it any longer,” I said, nonchalantly. Wade shook his head at us. “I’ll be sure to pass this news along to your husband, sis.”“He can have the kids,” Jackie said, causing everyone to chuckle.“We insist,” I tossed in."

"Good so be would you if, duff plum of helping second A," said the Bursar. The table fell silent. "Did anyone understand that" said Ridcully. The Bursar was not technically insane. He had passed through the rapids of insanity som time previously, and was now sculling around in some peaceful pool on the other side. He was quite often coherent, although not by normal human standards."

"You win, you dirty evil butt-munch. I'll never not let you stay over again. Now let's go back to bed."