Funny

"She'll soon forget."Caddy," said Saffron impatiently, "she is headmistress of the private school! She's probably never forgotten anything in her whole life!"

"I put the sexy in dyslexia."

"Then it suddenly and theatrically began to clean itself in the way cats do when they want you to know what a big deal you aren't."

"She had a knack for relieving the tension in a room by pretending my rudeness away with cooking. Many, many chickens had given up their lives to cover my conversationalist shortcomings."

"Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates."

"I don't know,' he said irritably. 'Is it meant to improve you'She swiveled toward him, eyes wide with shock.'Because nothing could,' he added. Her mouth dropped in astonishment. Blotchy scarlet rushed her complexion. One would have thought he'd shot her. Oh dear God!He realized belatedly how wrong it had sounded.'No! God... that is to say.. nothing is necessary to improve you. Nothing could possibly make you better... than you already are."

"I found her lying naked on the lawn at midnight, can I keep her?"

"Her brain is like a filing cabinet – everything neatly stored in categories. My brain is more like soup – everything all blended and mushed together."

"Sneaky would be a lime-green Volkswagen. Nobody would suspect the assassins in the lime-green Volkswagen."

"As Confucius once said, "He who does nothing is the one who does nothing."'Gabby pondered the words, the furrowed her brow. 'did Confucius really say that'Sunglasses in place, Stephanie managed the tiniest of shrugs. 'No, but who cared? The point is, they handled, and most likely they found some sort of self-satisfaction in their industrious-ness. Who am I to deprive them of that'Gabby put her hands on her hips. 'Or maybe you just wanted to be lazy.'Stephanie grinned. 'Like Jesus said, "Blessed are the lazy who lie in boats, for they shall inherit a suntan."''Jesus didn't say that.''True,' Stephanie afreed, sitting up. She removed her glasses, stared through them, then wiped them on a towel. 'But again, who cares?"

"You'll be fine, just some minor burns and hypothermia, which was kind of hard to explain."

"You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning."

"So what are you planning to do with the rest of your life?Develop a drinking problem. More Scotch, please."

"But the helmet had gold decoration, and the bespoke armorers had made a new gleaming breastplate with useless gold ornamentation on it. Sam Vimes felt like a class traitor every time he wore it. He hated being thought of as one of those people that wore stupid ornamental armor. It was gilt by association."

"I'm sitting in the bleachers, watching longingly as all the boys and umbumped girls in my Personal Health and Fitness class play Muggle Quidditch. I don't even like the game very much, I think it's silly, but I so miss physical activity that I'd be thrilled if I could run around the gymnasium with a broom between my legs, chasing after the human snitch wearing a gold pinny."

"I'm English. We're about as tactful as a hot poker up the bum, most of the time."

"It’s complicated,” I said in defense, hands going up to show surrender.“Talk slowly,” Jenna retorted derisively.“Okay, I deserved that,” I admitted."

"In my book an erection constitutes personal growth."

"I'm sure the other kids wouldn't mind not being lectured by another toddler over the virtues of sharing and the mental benefits of toy blocks."

"Yes it is" Eragon said before his courage left him "just like you"