Woody Allen

Woody Allen

"If I could only see one miracle just one miracle. Like a burning bush or the seas part or my uncle Sasha pick up a check."
134 Quotes
"If I could only see one miracle just one miracle. Like a burning bush or the seas part or my uncle Sasha pick up a check."
Woody Allen
"If only God would give me a clear sign like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank."
Woody Allen
"Those modern analysts they charge so much! In my day for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables."
Woody Allen
"I am going to give my psychoanalyst one more year then I'm going to Lourdes."
Woody Allen
"Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it."
Woody Allen
"If I had my life to live over I wish I could be a great pianist or something."
Woody Allen
"Showing up is 80 percent of life."
Woody Allen
"Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate."
Woody Allen
"Life doesn't imitate art it imitates bad television."
Woody Allen
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work I want to achieve it through not dying."
Woody Allen
"Ninety percent of living is just showing up."
Woody Allen
"I do not believe in an afterlife although I am bringing a change of underwear."
Woody Allen
"You want to make God laugh? Tell him your future plans."
Woody Allen
"How to make God laugh. Tell him your future plans."
Woody Allen
"The worst that you can say about him (God) is that basically he's an underachiever."
Woody Allen
"The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have instead of what you don't have."
Woody Allen
"The best thing to do is to behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen and under try not to go bald."
Woody Allen
"If you're not failing you're not trying anything."
Woody Allen
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying."
Woody Allen
"I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens."
Woody Allen
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