Woody Allen

Woody Allen

"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."
134 Quotes
"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."
Woody Allen
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"Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage."
Woody Allen
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"I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead."
Woody Allen
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"The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small."
Woody Allen
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"I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
Woody Allen
"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down ."
Woody Allen
"I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
Woody Allen
"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?"
Woody Allen
"I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers."
Woody Allen
"I am two with nature."
Woody Allen
"As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on."
Woody Allen
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying."
Woody Allen
"I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia."
Woody Allen
"I think being funny is not anyone's first choice."
Woody Allen
"Marriage is the death of hope."
Woody Allen
"I don't believe in God. Just try getting a plumber on the weekend."
Woody Allen
"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam I looked into the soul of the boy next to me."
Woody Allen
"If there is reincarnation I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips."
Woody Allen
"Is sex dirty? Only if it is done right."
Woody Allen
"Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right."
Woody Allen
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