Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
81 Quotes
"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
Groucho Marx
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"Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women."
Groucho Marx
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"“Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.”"
Groucho Marx
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"Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know."
Groucho Marx
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"I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks."
Groucho Marx
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"In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom."
Groucho Marx
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"Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse."
Groucho Marx
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"All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats."
Groucho Marx
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"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."
Groucho Marx
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"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."
Groucho Marx
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"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."
Groucho Marx
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"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx
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"She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."
Groucho Marx
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"I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course."
Groucho Marx
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"I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book."
Groucho Marx
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"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
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"I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt."
Groucho Marx
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"No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early."
Groucho Marx
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"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
Groucho Marx
"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."
Groucho Marx
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