Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
81 Quotes
"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
Groucho Marx
"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."
Groucho Marx
"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music."
Groucho Marx
"I intend to live forever, or die trying."
Groucho Marx
"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."
Groucho Marx
"I've had a wonderful evening . . . but this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx
"I never forget a face but in your case I'll make an exception."
Groucho Marx
"No Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend."
Groucho Marx
"Since my little daughter is only half Jewish would it be alright if she went into the pool only up to her waist?"
Groucho Marx
"One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife."
Groucho Marx
"Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough."
Groucho Marx
"There is one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says 'yes' you know he is crooked."
Groucho Marx
"Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child."
Groucho Marx
"Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does."
Groucho Marx
"I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."
Groucho Marx
"When I first came to this country I didn't have a nickel in my pocket - now I have a nickel in my pocket."
Groucho Marx
"It looks as if Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom."
Groucho Marx
"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
Groucho Marx The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx
"Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere."
Groucho Marx
"From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
Groucho Marx
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