Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx

"Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse."
81 Quotes
"Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse."
Groucho Marx
"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."
Groucho Marx
"A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."
Groucho Marx
"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
Groucho Marx
"Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere."
Groucho Marx
"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today."
Groucho Marx
"It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy."
Groucho Marx
"Before I speak, I have something important to say."
Groucho Marx
"Room service? Send up a larger room."]"
Groucho Marx
"Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you."
Groucho Marx
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
Groucho Marx
"Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while"
Groucho Marx
"Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun."
Groucho Marx
"Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know."
Groucho Marx
"If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere."
Groucho Marx
"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know."
Groucho Marx
"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others."
Groucho Marx
"Humor is reason gone mad."
Groucho Marx
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
Groucho Marx
"From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
Groucho Marx
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