Humor

"The shirt says; 'I bite.' You prick, not 'I blo"

"The Bloodsucker Queen has lived for what, a millennium? She can wait on her decaying ass a little while longer."

"That’s rich, coming from you, Hellcat, I would’ve thought it was impossible for a Vampire to get grey hairs until I met you! (Alexander)"

"I suggest you give up now. According to my research, in a vampire-werewolf love triangle, the vampire always gets the girl."

"Seriously, I ‘ve got to know if I need to protect you from people running with pencils." ~ Laney"

"I must have cried myself out. The tears stopped falling and I breathed in through my nose. I stood up and looked down at my baby sister lying there. I kissed my fingertips and touched her forehead. "Goodbye, brat," I whispered. "Stop calling me brat."Caelyn's eyes opened. Her irises were blood red. She gave me an impish smile and bared her fangs. Little sisters suck..."

"Silly me, thinking you actually had potential. I thought, Finally, she's realized she's a vampire. Now we're getting somewhere. But now you're just a big fluffy bunny with sharp teeth."

"Elliott performed a dance called the Dance of the Twenty-Eight Veils in Times Square. It is on You Tube. Many commenters described it as the most boring erotic dance ever performed in the history of the world. I have never been so embarrassed in my unlife. I’m thinking of quitting being leader of the clan and becoming a vampire nun."

"It didn't feel sporting to shoot at a crazy person, even if that person was a vampire who'd agreed to the job."

"Aleks opened his mouth to reassure his friend when heheard something that chilled him to the bone.“Aleksander Aaron Arkadion! What in the hell is wrong with you! Why are you dragging that mangledcorpse through town? You traumatized an entire first-grade class on a field trip to the town center,” Ma said,striding up to them pointing down to the body that Aleks still had a hold of. He looked down at the ankle he was holding.“Fuck my life.” Aleks looked behind his ma at the trail of blood heading back to the ice cream parlor. Liam laughed, his arms wrapped around his waist holding his sides."

"He’s a he. I mean he’s a guy. He’s your mate. Oh my God you’re gay!” Aleks exclaimed. Liam slapped himself on the forehead."

"Maybe Dracula wasn't a vampire, just a raging alcoholic who was constantly hungover."

"A man without a sweet tooth is not to be trusted."

"Typically, I prefer to gag my own men. I'd never considered having them delivered to me that way."

"Only one comment seemed to perfectly fit her current situation. “I see dead people.”He leaned forward hands on his hips. “Me too. It’s the only explanation for what’s standing in front of me. Unless some high school kids broke into the anatomy closet and stole the classroom skeleton, stretched some cadaver skin over that bitch then cast an ancient ritual to animate it.” She laughed. For as much as she now disliked the bastard she had to admit he was amusing. “Did they do the same to that shit you’re wearing? You do realize it’s 2008 right?” She raised a hand. “Wait let me see if I can reach you using your own language. You do ken ‘tis year of our Lord two thousand and eight aye?"

"My turner Mah'Lor is with me forever as well. At least his head is."

"Sorry, pigtails, but subtlety isn't an option anymore."

"They'll torture you for months before killing you if you run" Otis shrugged, as if this was an everyday occurrence."

"Henry held up his taco- formerly Vlad's- and grinned. " Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius."pg248 Henry to Vlad & Joss"

"What about you? If I asked you . . . would you turn me"Faith's eyes went wide. "Turn you into a vampire"No, turn me into a frog. Could you do it"Faith finished her beer in one long swallow. "I might be able to, physically. But I wouldn't."Miranda had known she would say that, but still, her heart sank. "Why not"She laughed. "Because my boss would kill me."