Humor

"Forgive me, Your Grace. Are you suggesting a woman is some sort of … piece of fruit to you? One squeeze, and you know if she’s ripe?"

"I’m not bipolar, I’ve just had a bipolar life foisted upon me."

"Maybe,” he said in a slow, rural drawl, “you could explain to me why I found you in the middle of an orgy.” “Well,” I said, “if you’re going to be in an orgy, the middle is the best spot, isn’t it."

"The earl shook his head, exhibiting a degree of frosty offense that could only be achieved by an aristocrat whose wishes had just been gainsaid. “I’ve never heard of a man being so eager to confess to the parent of a girl he’s just ruined,” he said sourly."

"I don't understand German myself. I learned it at school, but forgot every word of it two years after I had left, and have felt much better ever since."

"Your wit is always such a delight, Mr. Zeklos. I can barely contain myself around it."

"Is this the girl?” Kieran’s voice was very different: It sounded like waves sliding up the shore. Like warm water under pale light. It was seductive, with an edge of cold. He looked at Emma as if she were a new kind of flower, one he wasn’t sure he liked. “She’s pretty,” he said. “I didn’t think she’d be pretty. You didn’t mention it.”Iarlath shrugged. “You’ve always been partial to blondes,” he said.“Okay, seriously?” Emma snapped her fingers. “I am right here. And I was not aware I was being invited to a game of ‘Who’s the Hottest'"I wasn’t aware you were invited at all,” said Kieran. His speech had a casual edge, as if he was used to talking to humans.“Rude,” said Emma."

"Could you attempt, at least, to make yourself presentable? I know this is a war, but the rest of us are trying to pretend it's a party."

"He seemed only ... annoyed. Annoyed, and sweaty, and hot. "Yeah, well," he said, "the next time you decide to sneak out of our magically warded apartment through a door that shouldn't really exist, leave a note."

"Nobody liked my plan."You want us to split up" Chase asked, his brow wrinkling in obvious bewilderment. Lake echoed the sentiment, her voice flat. "Why would we split up? There's four of us and one of him." After a brief moment's pause, she amended her head count to better reflect the real odds. "Three and a half of us, one of him."Three and a half, as in three werewolves, one human. I narrowed my eyes. "For your sake, Lake, I'm going to pretend that Devon is the half."Dev, unquestionably the strongest person in the room, just shrugged and let me keep my delusions. "It's because of my petite stature," he said. All 6'4" of him."

"Just remember that you're on my list, Marcone. Soon as I get done with all the other evils in this town, you won't be the lesser of them anymore."Marcone stared at me with half-lidded eyes and said, "Eek."

"YES. BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I ROLL. LIKE A SUAVE THING. In fact, from here on, please forward my mail to 1 Suave Hill, Suave Boulevard, Suavieland, Planet of She's-So-Smooth-I-Can't-Believe-She's-Not-Butter."

"I wanted to wake you straightaway, but I knew I had to wait several hours to ensure you were safely recovered."What! How long has it been"Five minutes. I got bored."

"We were in such good moods, we even decided to hit Todd's house for candy. Sam rang the doorbell, and when it opened, this hideous, rubber monster face roared at us. Sam screamed. Todd started laughing and took off the mask. I yelled, "Put it back on! Put it back on! Your hideousness is terrifying!"Todd did a fake yuk-yuk-yuk at my joke. "What are you guys supposed to be? Is it Prom Night Massacre or something"Sam sighed at Todd's obvious stupidity. "We're zombie princesses, Todd. Can't you tell" She stuck her arms straight out in front of her and said, "BRAINS! BRAINS!"I patted Sam on the head and said, "Sorry, Sam. You're wasting your time with this one."

"Clever is when one is crafty enough to mistake your imagination for intelligence. Smart is when one assumes they are too educated to notice the difference."

"One day I'll work out what it is you are saying, my lad, and then you'll be in trouble."

"Thinking I'm a moron gives people something to feel smug about," Charles Wallace said. "Why should I disillusion them?"

"40Wednesday has been canceled due to a scheduling error."

"Then she called Gansey. It rang twice, three times, and then: "Hello"He sounded boyish and ordinary. Blue asked, "Did I wake you up"She heard Gansey fumble for and scrape up his wireframes."No," he lied, "I was awake."I called you by accident anyway. I meant to call Congress, but your number was one off."Oh"Yeah, because yours has 6-6-5 in it." She paused. "Get it"Oh, you."6-6-5. One number different. Get it"Yeah, I got it."

"That night was a dark day. Of course, all nights are dark days, because night is simply a badly lit version of day, ..."