Humor

"I sighed and deleted the message, imagining the dirty clothes multiplying like rabbits, because that’s what they do when I’m not around."

"As I grabbed my cocoa, chocolate ran down my hand."This makes me feel like a five-year-old," I said, licking it off."If I ordered a sandwich at this place, do you think they'd cut the crusts off?"

"it's a losing battle at this point,but so was the alamo"

"Miss Prendregast!” He rapped on his desk with his knuckles. “You were never in any danger!”“Except from the wild animals.”His lids swept down as if he needed a reprieve from looking at her. “Alert me if you’re attacked by a rabbit."

"Kei: Is there anything else you need while I'm here, Your Highness?Cabot: No, but you can leave the sarcasm in there."

"The standard clauses of the American dream only included two weeks of vacation a year."

"Don't waste yer' breath kid. Explainin' anything to that one? It's like tryin' ta' slap the dumb off a retard... -George Foster"

"his mind's like Alcatraz. once something's in, it never gets out"

"Aww, did we masturbate through the tears last night?"

"I used to be a mddle-of-the-road kid, but now with my freaky looks I'm definately an outsider. Hooray."

"Well, what do you want me to do? Head butt my way through a few inches of steel?!” she snarled.“Well, that would certainly earn you a cookie!"

"Sophie coughed, and Oliver felt his cheeks becoming warm. “Don’t be an ass, Andrew.” “That’s a little bit difficult to accomplish, y’know?” Andrew replied. “I mean, if you had been so kind as to paint me with black and white stripes, I would’ve been a zebra!"

"When all else fails...try smoking a good cigar and have a stiff drink. If that doesn't work...have another."

"It was stealing her breath, imbecile. Go get a towel." -Christophe, Strange Angels by Lili St. Crow"

"I couldn't help thinkin' if she was as far out o' town as she was out o' tune, she wouldn't get back in a day."

"Great,' I said. 'Visit exotic Australia. Get bitten by an exotic snake. Die exotically."

"She's my best friend, and I know she means well, but as she talks I'm mentally calculating all the ways I could silence her. I'm bigger than her... I wonder if I could use my straw for some sort of Mac Gyver inspired weapon."

"Desjani pulled out a ration bar. 'Hungry' she asked Geary.'I had something earlier. Is that a Yanika Babiya''No. It’s . . .' She squinted at the label. 'Spicy chicken curry.''A chicken curry ration bar? How are they'Taking a small bite, Desjani chewed slowly, pretending not to be aware that everyone on the bridge was watching her instead of staring at the representation of the alien hypernet gate. 'It’s definitely got curry in it. Spicy, not so much. Some of the other stuff tastes like chicken.''That doesn’t narrow it down too much, does it' Geary said.'Every kind of meat in a ration bar tastes like chicken, Captain,' Lieutenant Castries suggested. 'Except the chicken.''You’re right, Lieutenant,' Desjani said. 'Real chicken in ration bars tastes like, what, mutton''Ham,' Yuon tossed in. 'Bad ham.''So this can’t be chicken because it tastes like chicken,' Desjani concluded."

"I'd tell you nice try, but... it wasn't."

"Alessa looked at Brennus giving him a smirk.“Brennus.”“Alessa.”“Still think that you are the God’s gift to all faeries?”“Still trying to convince yourself that I am not?” Brennus responded smirking arrogantly and leaning back in his chair."