Funny

"Books can also provoke emotions. And emotions sometimes are even more troublesome than ideas. Emotions have led people to do all sorts of things they later regret-like, oh, throwing a book at someone else."

"I've got the Mark of Cain," said Simon. "That means nothing can kill me, right"You can kill yourself," Magnus said, somewhat unhelpfully. "As far as I know, inanimate objects can accidentally kill you. So if you were planning on teaching yourself the lambada on a greased platform over a pit full of knives, I wouldn't."There goes my Saturday."

"You should eat a waffle! You can't be sad if you eat a waffle!"

"You are the shuckiest shuck faced shuck in the world!"

"Why it's simply impassible!Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible? Nothing's impossible!"

"Inconceivable!"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

"Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings."

"Puns are the highest form of literature."

"Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up"All the time."

"Can you be a girl for a few seconds"I'm always a girl" I frown."You know what I mean. Like a silly, annoying girl"I twirl my hair around my finger. "Kay."

"Can you surf really well, then"I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh."Jeez, Nico," I said. "I've never really tried."He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn't answer that one.) If Annabeth's mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)"

"Headline" he asked."'Swing Set Needs Home,'" I said."'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'" he said."'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'" I said."

"I'm going to wake Peeta," I say."No, wait," says Finnick. "Let's do it together. Put our faces right in front of his."Well, there's so little opportunity for fun left in my life, I agree. We position ourselves on either side of Peeta, lean over until our faces are inches frim his nose, and give him a shake. "Peeta. Peeta, wake up," I say in a soft, singsong voice. His eyelids flutter open and then he jumps like we've stabbed him. "Aa!"Finnick and I fall back in the sand, laughing our heads off. Every time we try to stop, we look at Peeta's attempt to maintain a disdainful expression and it sets us off again."

"I thought I'd lie on the floor and writhe in pain for a while," he grunted, "It relaxes me."It does? Oh - you're being sarcastic. That's a good sign probably."

"That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it."

"I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

"What the hell is that" I laughed."It's my fox hat."Your fox hat"Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat."Why are you wearing your fox hat" I asked."Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox."

"The planet is fine. The people are fucked."

"Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile."

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U. S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?"