Funny

"Flirting with random women in a tavern? That sounds like Helios. Well, it sounds like most of the gods, actually."

"I was trying to do you a favor, you silly woman. A few more hours in the fire, and your baby boy would have been immortal! He would’ve grown into a fine young god and brought you eternal honor. Now you’ve ruined the magic. He will simply be human—a great hero, yes, strong and tall, but doomed to a mortal life. He will only be Demophoon, when he could have been Fully Phoon! Phoon the Great!"

"Eventually, Krysomallos would be skinned for his fleece, which became known as the Golden Fleece, which means I am related to a sheepskin rug. This is why you don't want to think too hard about who you're related to in the Greek myths. It'll drive you crazy."

"Hands can cook, hands can create, hands can kill. There is no better tool than our hands."

"True friends chop the onions and cry together."

"Фанатиците винаги имат един такъв раздърпан, опулен вид. Приличат на хора, които не мастурбират, но непрекъснато мислят за това."

"More often than not, expecting to lose weight without first losing the diet that made the weight loss necessary is like expecting a pig to be spotless after hosing it down while it was still rolling in mud."

"Most human beings would have never been pained by the death of a human being if they had never seen a human being or pretending to be pained by that."

"Most human beings strongly believe that money is way less important than the life of a human being, but in reality five hundred, fifty, or even five dollars are way more important to the lives of most human beings than the lives of most human beings."

"A seemingly simple task like taking a bath or wearing a condom feels like multitasking to someone who suffers from hemiplegia or has only one hand."

"The fact that the person who you are sleeping with is also sleeping with another person or other people does not necessarily mean that he or she does not love you. And the fact that you are the only person who someone is sleeping with does not necessarily mean that he or she loves you."

"We are way less likely to love someone just because they love us than we are to hate someone just because they hate us."

"Some people will hate you for not loving them."

"Bigheadedness is usually a symptom of small-mindedness."

"Most of us cling to life as if our existence were a result of our deed or choice."

"Adults who use big words in order to seem intelligent are annoying, especially those who are not intelligent."

"More often than not, an inspirational or motivational speaker is someone who makes money from telling us that we can do all of the things that we can do … and pretty much all of the things that we cannot do."

"A relationship is likely to last way longer, if each partner convinces or has convinced themselves that they do not deserve their partner, even if that is not true."

"Most men would no longer enjoy conversing with most women if they stopped bringing their vaginas along."

"Some people are each holding on to a lover of theirs who no longer loves them and/or who they no longer love, only because they do not want to have a reason or another reason to be jealous of the person who would eventually be their lover if they let go of them."