Funny

"For their never-ending endeavours to obtain or retain wealth, countries desperately need companies, because they—unlike most human beings—have the means of production, and human beings, because they—unlike all companies—have the means of reproduction."

"In reality most human beings are not, to most human beings, more important than money."

"As we all know, as if forever exploiting or attempting to exploit each other were not enough, a group of sane human beings who have just reached the end of a war against a common enemy of theirs will sooner or later start or continue killing and/or fighting against each other."

"The last time everyone loved or at least liked everyone was when the world had a population of about 4."

"To ask a man whether or not he has a girlfriend is to talk about his sex life. If you disagree with that, then how in the name of God do you differentiate between a man’s girlfriend and a girl that is a friend to the man?"

"Just like how most if not all poor boys look up to and aspire to someday be rich men, most if not all underdeveloped and developing countries look up to and aspire to someday be developed countries."

"Many if not most slaves would have each readily jumped, and many if not most slaves would each readily jump, at the opportunity to be a master, if such an opportunity presents or had presented itself."

"Many a survivor of a plane crash who is or was against cannibalism and had never eaten human flesh once found themselves in a situation where they had to either eat human flesh, or go the way of all flesh."

"Greed is a contagious mental illness without which civilization as we know it would not have been possible."

"Patriotism is the narcissism of countries."

"Some of us were brought into this troubled world primarily or only to increase our fathers’ chances of not being left by our mothers, or vice versa."

"The most upsetting thing about Society’s attitude towards disabled people is that many millions of disabled people became disabled while trying to please Society, the very same bitch that secretly regards them as subhuman."

"What did you do before?” “I used to run a lot.”“Cross country? Track?”“From the cops, actually."

"Most sane human beings who are over the age of six usually act or react not as per what they genuinely feel or really think but in accordance with the expectations of those around them."

"Many obese people spend a significant amount of their energy on suppressing the urge to tell some of the people who are staring at them that they do not eat as much and as frequently as they seem to."

"What would Golan Do? That way I can ask myself before I do anything. Before I take a dump. How would Dr. Golan want me to take this dump? Should I bank it off the side or go straight down the middle? What would be the most psychologically beneficial dump I could take?"

"That's the problem with best friends. Sometimes they know you better than you know yourself."

"I’m very much down to earth, just not this earth."

"Adam pressed his hand to his face. Sighed. "Right. It's just that… He died. And I'm so freaking pissed off, I swear I'd punch him in the face if he were standing right here."

"I paid, got up, walkedto the door, openedit. I heard the mansay, "that guy'snuts."out on the street Iwalked northfeelingcuriouslyhonored."