Funny

"I take a sip of my beer, and it's - I mean, it's just astonishingly disgusting. I don't think I was expecting it to taste like ice cream, but holy fucking hell. People lie and get fake IDs and sneak into bars, and for this? I honestly think I'd rather make out with Bieber. The dog. Or Justin."

"What if I was the sexual equivalent of popcorn? Suitable for light snacking only?"

"I guess I can't blame him for feeling bitter. Going from being the terror of Bulgarian nights to a janitor would kinda suck"

"This isn't a Christmas special! This is my life. In the real world, miracles and goodness just don't happen."

"Me neither,” Shane put in. “Homie don’t play that.”“I wonder, sometimes, if your generation speaks English at all,” Amelie said."

"Why are you wearing a T-shirt under your other T-shirt" Livvy asked."In case one of them is stolen," Marked said, as it were entirely normal."

"Yes, because a vampire slumber party is the pinnacle of safety conscious behavior."

"This is America. We’re entitled to our opinions.”“Wrong. This is Texas. And my opinion is the only one that counts."

"The Friday before winter break, my mom packed me an overnight bag and a few deadly weapons and took me to a new boarding school."

"Mal snickered. "What's so funny"I just pictured the Darkling being cornered by a sweaty duchess trying to have her way with him."

"I apologized to her once for spending less time with her, but she blew it off. "You're in love. That makes you actually kind of boring to people who aren't in love. You know, the sane ones."

"I picked up the nearest weapon I could lay my hands on: a stapler. I lifted it, going for “menacing.” I admit it lacked a certain elegance, but hey. It was worth a shot. David placed his hand on my arm and pushed it back down.“What?”“Just . . . that’s embarrassing for all of us,” he replied."

"Normal? I'm not normal enough for you" Carlos says. "You want this guy instead? Did you notice his hair doesn't move? That's not normal. You want to date him again, go ahead. Hell, if you want to marry him and be Kiara Barra the rest of your life, be my guest."That's not want I--"I don't want to hear it. Hasta," Carlos says, ignoring me and walking away. I feel my face heat in embarrassment as I look at Michael. "Sorry. Carlos can he abrasive sometimes."Don't apologize. The guy obviously has major issues and, for the record, my hair moves... when I want it to."

"And certainly, the mistakes that we male and female mortals make when we have our own way might fairly raise some wonder that we are so fond of it."

"Are you in a suit' I managed at last, my voice choking up. 'You didn’t have to dress up for me.''Quiet, Sage,' he said. 'I’ll make the hilarious one-liners during this daring rescue."

"And while my mind is telling me I'm flirting with her just to prove a point, my body wants to play "you show me your perky privates and I'll show you mine."

"Yeah, okay. You're right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steak, rare, and a bottle of vintage type A. He told me all his secrets, but too bad for you I promised him I wouldn't tell. In exchange I asked him to gather his best undead buddies and stalk me through my friend's yard. And oh, yeah, it was totally fine if they wanted to use me as an all-night-dinner buffet, because having organs is SO last year."

"I know I'm delicious. Nummy...nummy.-Vlad"

"It's funny how different people are. If I'd been this kid and someone was snarling "Ordering a pizza" at me, without even thinking, I would have snarled back "Yeah. You want pepperoni"-Maximum Ride"

"That's your truck parked up by the factory isn't it" Magnus pointed. "It's awfully butch for a bookseller."