Funny

"If you're ever feeling a lack of middle-aged white men, just pop into the Capitol. Not so much the House of Representatives, which has a bit more color and texture, but the Senate -- jeez. Yes, let's have more testosterone running the country. Maximum Ride, School's Out--Forever"

"She moved like water, graceful and soft and lovely. Every part of me wanted to stick out my foot and trip her, just to see her stumble."

"She should have remembered her past experiences in the relationship wars and not let herself get so excited. Evidently her hormones had overruled her common sense and she had become drunk on ovarian wine, the most potent, sanity- destroying substance in the universe."

"Zoey~ 'Listen to me, whinning about money and a scarf. Ah, hell! I'm starting to sound like Aphrodite.'Stark~ 'If you turn into Aprodite I'm going to stab myself.'Zoey~ 'If I turn into Aprodite, stab me first.'Stark~ 'Deal.'Zoey~ 'Deal."

"I have no doubt that you are more than capable of bringing the Monsean queen and my son and the rest of my sons and a hundred Nanderan kittens through an onslaught of howling raiders if you chose to."

"That’s us,” he said. “Those five nuts right there.”Which one is me?” I asked. The little deformed one,” Zoe suggested. Oh, shut up."

"I tell you, I'm half tempted to break into CIA custody just so I can break Joe Solomon out of CIA custody just so I can break Joe Solomon."

"Ren took off his jacket, which slicited a squeak from Jennifer who was now totally focused on Ren's golden-bronze biceps. His perfectly fitted muscle shirt showed off his extremely well-developed arms and chest. I hissed at him quietly, "For heaven's sake, Ren! You're going to give the women heart palpitations!"

"Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its use."

"He and the girl had almost nothing to say to each other. One thing he did say was, 'I ain't got any tattoo on my back.''What you got on it' the girl said.'My shirt,' Parker said. 'Haw.''Haw, haw,' the girl said politely."

"How art thou out of breath when thou hast breath To say to me that thou art out of breath?"

"But there's a juicy artery in your groin," he said after a pause to regroup, his voice as slithery as a snake on a slide."Don't you talk dirty," I told him. "I won't listen to that."

"Are you okay" I (Cassie) call up to him."Um. Define okay." (Ben)"Okay means you're not bleeding to death."I'm okay."

"I'm tired, I'm hungry and I have a head in a bag," I warned him. "Do not fuck with me."

"The behavior of any bureaucratic organization can best be understood by assuming that it is controlled by a secret cabal of its enemies."

"I certainly hadn't expected to walk away from today's trip with joint custody of a miniature dragon."

"His fingers lightly grazed my cheek. "I didn't know you before. When you're not there, I can't concentrate. I'm wondering where you are, what you're doing...if you're there and I can see you, I can see you, I can focus. I know it's crazy, but that's how it is." "And crazy is exactly the way I like it," I said, leaning up to kiss his lips."Obviously," America muttered under breath."

"Instead of heading for a big mental breakdown, I decided to have a small breakdown every Tuesday evening."

"He was gorgeous, and I absolutely, no question, had to be drooling. After a quick and hopefully stealthy check – big show, I wasn’t!- I found myself wonder what color his eyes were. Brown maybe. Or even hazel. Either way…wow, just wow. Deer? Headlights? Hi, I’m Ali."

"Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse."