Funny

"Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?"

"Lusty blacksmiths and naughty princesses. Now that's scary"

"This was not Aunt Dahlia, my good and kindly aunt, but my Aunt Agatha, the one who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth."

"what would you call this haircut"arthur."

"pg. 231-232: They'd given me a minivan. They could have picked any car and they picked a minivan. A minivan. O God of the Vehicular Justice, why dost thou mock me? Minivan, you albatross around my neck! You mark of Cain! You wretched beast high ceilings and few horsepower!"

"Plus, in one of his e-mails, the guy said he didn't like pancakes. What kind of asshole doesn't like pancakes?"

"Hey, babe, can I sit here?” Elle turned her head and saw Nero standing there, holding a tray.　　Did he just really ask that, and did he just really call me ‘babe’?　　“Are you serious? Sit here?” Elle pointed to the chair beside her.　　“Yes, I was talking directly to you, wasn’t I?” Nero was definitely a smartass.　　“No, you clearly weren’t because my name isn’t ‘babe’. I bet you don’t even know my name. So, no, you cannot sit here, Nero."

"You all right, man' This should be my name. I could be like a super hero: You All Right Man. Ah...' I stumble. Don't bug Craig,' Ronny is like. 'He's in the Craig zone. He's Craig-ing out."

"Nerd life is just so much better than regular life."

"The Doctor: I've seen bigger. Clara: Really?The Doctor: Are you joking? It's massive!"

"I am, he thought dimly, watching a vampire take a piss."

"I'll get them out and come back. I promise."On your word as a cutthroat and a pirate"He touched my cheek once, briefly. "Privateer."Another explosion rocked the grounds."Let's go!" shouted Mal. As we sprinted into the tunnel, I glanced back and saw Nikolai silhouetted against the purple twilight. I wondered if I'd ever see him again."

"Stomp stomp. Whirr. Pleased to be of service. Shut up. Thank you. Stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp. Whirr. Thank you for making a simple door very happy. Hope your diodes rot. Thank you. Have a nice day. Stomp stomp stomp stomp. Whirr. It is my pleasure to open for you... Zark off...and my satisfaction to close again with the knowledge of a job well done. I said zark off. Thank you for listening to this message."

"There was the smell of old books, a smell that has a way of making all libraries seem the same. Some say that smell is asbestos."

"What is it about hairdressers? You tell them 'not too short' and some part of their hairdresser brain hears this as 'whack the shit out of it.' If you never say, 'not too short,' everything is fine. You say it, & it's a guarantee you'll come out ready for the military>"

"Trust her we girls are two sheets short of psycho when it comes to our special little time."

"Cat, hmmm? From where I sit you look more like a Kitten."My head jerked around and I shot him an annoyed look. Oh, I was going to enjoy this, all right. "It's Cat," I repeated firmly. "Cat Raven."Whatever you say, Kitten Tweedy."

"I had died and woken up in High School Musical"

"Otis," I said."Shhh," he said. "I'm incognito. Call me... Otis."I'm not sure that's how incognito works, but okay."Otis, aka Otis climbed into the chair I'd reserved for Sam."

"Don’t lick the guests, darling. Bad manners."