Funny

"The man may be the head of the household. But the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head whichever way she pleases."

"Any other iron on you?” he asked impatiently.“Just my tongue stud.”His look was a mixture of curiosity and horror.“I’m kidding, you idiot. Let’s go."

"I'm done. I'm going to go to bed and read important books about theater."It would would be easier if you just said porn," Scarlett said."No idea what you're talking about. But knock first if you need me."

"You don’t like romantic shit,” Luke remarks and frowns at me.“I don’t like watching you lay the romantic shit on my best friend, pal. It’s disgusting. This,” I gesture around the room with my hands, “is not a movie. But I do like watching Zac Efron, Channing Tatum, and a number of other hot actors lay on the romantic shit in a movie. I have a vagina.”“I’m aware,” Luke remarks earning a glare from Nate. “Although, not first-hand,” he quickly adds."

"Blackmailers never explain their thinking. They're like pirates that way. Dark-hearted, dangerous--- and cool like Johnny Depp."

"I moved to assist, but never got the chance. there was some pretty violent banging for a minute, and then a tearing sound. Finally the stall door flew open, and Ray's shirtless body emerged and started bitch-slapping everything in sight. His aim was off, probably due to the difficulty of having his eyes on the other side of the room, but he made up for it with sheer determination."

"If you want to change the world, just change yourself. The world needs traitors."

"Who-who are you" Seth asked, hesitantly."Wh-what do you want" How else was was I supposed to reply? The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. I mean, I'd only seen the movie like seventeen times. "I'm Luke Skywalker," I said. "I'm here to rescue you."

"I cook better than you," Nick corrected absently. "I think monkeys can probably be taught to cook better than you."I'd like to have a monkey that cooked for me," said Jamie. " I would pay him in bananas. His name would be Alphonse."I agree, that would be awesome." Mae said. "People would come for dinner just to see the monkey chef."You're raving," Nick said, defrosting chicken in the microwave. Mae was a bit impressed with how he seemed to look at the appliance and instantly comprehend its mysteries, when she'd been heating up ready-made meals for years by a method of pressing random buttons and hoping. " I know that's the only way Jamie communicates with people, but I expected better of you, Mavis."We're cutting out the whole Mavis thing right now, Nick," Mae said warningly."How many bananas would be good payment for a monkey" Jamie wanted to know. " I would want to pay Alphonse a fair wage."

"Do you never get exhausted being so wholly unbearable?"

"Rhiannon's Law #16: If it looks like a rabbit, and it hops like a rabbit, run the other way and fast. That shit is liable to tear you arm off."

"He balled his hand into a fist. "You are such a bitch." "Woof, woof," I said."

"This means that I don't have to run faster than the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal, I just have to run faster than whoever is with me when the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal starts chasing us."

"First blood is mine. Last blood counts for more.--Artemis Entreri and Drizzt Do'Urden"

"Goodfellow snickered."Wouldn't be any fun if we didn't run into some sort of catastrophe." Pulling his dagger ,he waved me on."After you,your highness. Puck to Ash"

"I said, names aren't important," he repeated. There was a silence between them for some seconds, then the Ranger said: "Do you know what is important"Will shook his head."Supper is important!"

"Weirdism is definitely the cornerstone of many an artist's career."

"the table of elements does not contain one of the most powerful elements that make up our world, and that is the element of surprise."

"I don’t dwell on the fact that I may have ridden on planes. That which I can’t remember having needed, I simply accept. It is the most preferable kind of self-insight: one that does not require any accompanying change in behavior."

"If a problem can be solved, there is nothing to worry about. If it can't be solved, well you can always buy chocolate :)"