Funny

"How did you do it" I brought the teacup to my mouth for another sip. "How did you guide Sophie's soul? I thought you were a reaper."He's both," Nash said from behind me, and I turned just as he followed my father through the front door, pulling his long sleeves down one at a time. He and my dad had just loaded Aunt Val's white silk couch into the back of my uncle's truck, so he wouldn't have to deal with the bloodstains when he and Sohie got back from the hospital. "Tod is very talented."Tod brushed the curl back from his face and scowled. Harmony spoke up from the kitchen as the oven door squealed open. "Both my boys are talented."Both" I repeated, sure I'd heard her wrong. Nash sighed and slid onto the chair his mother had vacated, then gestured toward the reaper with one hand. "Kaylee, meet my brother, Tod."

"I heard the car door shut and then Fabian's voice. "You won't believe what I found around the edge of your property," the ghost announced. "A cave with prehistoric painting inside it!" I rolled my eyes. That was the best tactic Fabian could come up with? This was a vampire he was trying to stall, not a paleontologist."

"June cackled with delight, muttering, "Whoops!" as a car almost killed them."

"He begged to know to which of his fair cousins the excellency of its cookery was owing. Briefly forgetting her manners, Mary grabbed her fork and leapt from her chair onto the table. Lydia, who was seated nearest her, grabbed her ankle before she could dive at Mr. Collins and, presumably, stab him about the head and neck for such an insult."

"And oil's not supposed to mix with water. But then someone invented mayonnaise, and wham - instant mixing."

"Wait, Richard Cheney, as in Dick Cheney? You're a vampire named Dick Cheney? Somehow, that makes you seem more evil."

"I can do this, I lied to myself feebly. No one was going to bite me."

"I'm not saying he was, like, crying tears of man pain over the phone, but he sounded upset."

"No funny business. I’ll scream and dead or not it will hurt your ears"

"What have you done to your hair?” Mom’s broken voice said, pinning me back to this tiny hospitalroom.“Holy shit!” Icka patted her head as if searching. “You think the nurse stole it? She looked shady."

"A classroom . People trying to stick me in classrooms was becoming as predictable and annoying as people trying to kill me, but with less-fun results."

"A customer facing crucial decisions: What should I wipe myself with? What should I brush with? His personal hygiene was deteriorating rapidly as he stared at the rows of possibilities, sweating profusely. Would he ever bathe again?"

"My melon soul Crushed by your Gallagher of apathy"

"We needed a refrigerator for our new place and I've never bought a refrigerator my whole life. I went into the appliance store, there's like 900 of 'em lined up, there's a salesman there. What's this guy supposed to say about refrigerators? "Well you got this refrigerator here, This keeps all your food cold for 600... You've got this refrigerator, This keeps all your food cold for 800... Check this out, 1400, keeps all your food cold."

"And so really, you have given me no choice but to take you shopping byforce.” She sighed, then reached up, dropping her sunglasses down fromtheir perch on her head to cover her eyes. “Do you even realize how happythe average teenage girl would be in your shoes? I have a credit card. We’reat the mall. I want to buy you things. It’s like adolescent nirvana.”- Cora"

"What a schmuck!"

"Yes she met with a slight accident involving a stake." Ash said "funny how that happens sometimes..."

"Don't even think of arguing with me. I'm an old woman and if you fight me about it, it could give me a heart attack."

"Welcome to Telepathics Anonymous. Don’t bother introducing yourself."

"It was because a great-looking man with no apparent mental defects found her attractive. Imagine feeling so buoyant over something so juvenile."