Funny

"Hermits have no peer pressure."

"I normally don't do requests. Unless, of course, I have been asked to do so."

"[Clover] secretly hitched a ride with a nice German couple and their new baby... Clover appeared to the baby, so as to be a delightful, soothing surprise. Well, the child did like Clover. In fact, she held him and cooed. When the parents turned around to look at her and saw their child holding a furry, living creature, they needlessly panicked."

"Austin and I proceeded to knock back a couple of Ketel One and grapefruit juices, which happened to be my drink of the moment. Someone told me that grapefruit was a great detoxifier and I decided I wanted to start cleaning out my liver WHILE I was having a cocktail."

"She turns to us, acts surprised to see us, then does the bit with the back of the hand to the forehead. "You're lost!" "You're angry!" "You're in the wrong school!" "You're in the wrong country!" "You're on the wrong planet!"

"My negotiation skills are are on par with George Bush's reading ability. And just like Dubya, every time I've tried to put forth an effort, I am reminded that my only true strength lies in drinking."

"By the light," he said, when he had mastered himself. "I think that beats singing a lullaby to a stormdog for simplicity and economy, Maerad. But I wish I had known that you simply had to blow at Hulls to get rid of them. It would have saved me a few scars."

"Yeah, well, wish in one hand, crap in the other, and see which fills up first"

"Colin : “Perhaps now is the time to tell you that I have a weakness for agreeable women.”Sugar Beth : “Well, that sure does leave me out.”Colin : “Exactly. With agreeable women, I’m unendingly considerate. Gallant even.”Sugar Beth : “But with tarts like me, the gloves are off, is that it?”Colin : “I wouldn’t exactly call you a tart. But then, I tend to be broad-minded.”She suppressed the urge to dump her porridge in his lap."

"He stood and inhaled, then walked a few more feet, stooped, and prodded a chunk of rabbit fur.“I’m definitely thinking something with more body parts,” I said. “Like a head.”He gave a snort of a laugh. “It’s probably around here somewhere, but I suppose you want the parts attached, too."

"My parents raised me that you never ask people about their reproductive plans. “You don’t know their situation,” my mom would say. I considered it such an impolite question that for years I didn’t even ask myself. Thirty-five turned into forty faster than Mc Donald’s food turns into cold nonfood."

"Eve talking to someone on her computer and having trouble with the language translator..."I have two like crimes. Your data and your input on Leclerk would be very helpful"Marie pursed her lips and humor danced in her eyes."It says you would like to have sex with me. I don't think that is correct"Oh, for Christ sake" Eve slammed a fist against the machine..."

"The [Five Second Rule] has many variations, including The Three Second Rule, The Seven Second Rule, and the extremely handy and versatile The However Long It Takes Me to Pick Up This Food Rule."

"What is a quote? A quote (cognate with quota) is a cut, a section, a slice of someone's orange. You suck the slice, toss the rind, skate away."

"Travis: I didn’t know they made permanent makeup. I looked like a clown for a month. Connor: Yeah. They put a curse on me so that no matter what I wore, my clothes were two sizes too small and I felt like a geek. Travis: You are a geek."

"Travis: The Aphrodite kids were ripping each other’s clothes and throwing lipstick and jewellery. It was like a rabid herd of wild Bratz."

"I know because I read. Might I suggest you try it?"

"Never dance in a puddle when there's a hole in your shoe (it's always best to take your shoes off first)."

"What’s the best part of being in Hermes cabin?Connor: You are never lonely. I mean seriously, new kids are always coming in. So you always have someone to talk to. Travis: Or prank. Connor: Or pickpocket. One big happy family."

"You know, I don’t get why Fred and George only got three O. W. L.s each,” said Harry, watching as Fred, George, and Lee collected gold from the eager crowd. “They really know their stuff. . . .”“Oh, they only know flashy stuff that’s no real use to anyone,” said Hermione disparagingly.“No real use?” said Ron in a strained voice. “Hermione, they’ve got about twenty-six Galleons already. . . ."