Funny

"Carpe Diem, just remember that we're partying on the Titanic."

"I feel my brains, like a pear, to see if it's ripe; it will be exquisite by September."

"Max, you're acting like a child, the Voice said. You're above rebelling against your fate just to rebel. You've got a date with destiny. Don't be late."I brushed some hair out of my eyes. Is that a movie quote? Or is it an actual date? I don't remember destiny asking me. I never even gave destiny my phone number."

"I'm telling you, the gorgeous of the world can actually look pretty intimidating when they scowl. Imagine a snow-white swan with a scary tattoo holding a chain saw. There's just no way to really prepare for that."

"I scoured myself with lye soap from head to toe to get the evil funk of demon snot off me. I have flossed things the gods never meant to be flossed and used things that would be toxic to most living organisms. All to sanitize my body for your chewing pleasure."

"He`s quite extraordinary with his moves and spins. I think he was a baton girl in a past life [on his co-star Hayden Christensen]."

"Fang let out a low whistle. "Anyone know that Amazons could ride a giant bird"Ethon gave him a duh stare. "Those of us who fought them, yeah, we know. How you think they keep kicking our asses"Cause you're pansies. Everyone knows that."

"In one universe, they are gorgeous, straight-teethed, long-legged, wrapped in designer fashions, and given sports cars on their sixteenth birthdays. Teacher smile at them and grade them on the curve. They know the first names of the staff. They are the Pride of the Trojans. Oops – I mean Pride of the Blue Devils. In Universe #2, they throw parties wild enough to attract college students. They worship the stink of Eau de Jocque. They rent beach houses in Cancún during Spring Break and get group-rate abortions before prom."

"Being fed, and having a soft bed, and other people being in charge, seemed the most wonderful prospect in the world at that moment."

"On horseback you feel as if you're moving in time to classical music a camel seems to progress to the beat of a drum played by a drunk."

"Mom, camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home."

"How Superheroes Make Money: - Spider-Man knits sweaters. - Superman screw the lids on pickle jars. - Iron Man, as you would suspect, just irons."

"[The American President] has to take all sorts of abuse from liars and demagogues.… The people can never understand why the President does not use his supposedly great power to make ’em behave. Well, all the President is, is a glorified public relations man who spends his time flattering, kissing and kicking people to get them to do what they are supposed to do anyway."

"I think we are going to have to love ourselves. Fuck."

"Why does everyone have to pretend to be stupid and not know long words?"

"If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged"

"I always hoped for this spark of chemistry and compatibility, a flash of clarity to let me know that this was the guy, this was the time, so I should leg go and enjoy myself. But it never came. And by no small coincidence, neither did I."

"Dude, you're scaring the crap out of me,' said Nick. 'I'm serious, I literally have no crap right now."

"Some people won't have kids, but I’m not going to have parents. I’m burning their birth certificates and defacing their gravestones tonight."

"Take your finger out of your nose, Miss Steal."