Funny

"Jackson asked, "Where'd the water come from in your house"A pipe." Then he explained to Jackson, "Water travels in pipes."

"She stretched, pulling out her earbuds, which apparently in Lykae was code for 'Interogate me,' because the questions, they came a-calling."

"Just at present you only see the tree by the light of the lamp. I wonder when you would ever see the lamp by the light of the tree."

"Do you ride"She smiled, her fingers lightly sliding around his ear. "Not since I hit that barn"Zach’s hands paused on her flesh. "You hit a barn" "I had to avoid the cow"

"Must a name mean something" Alice asked doubtfully. Of course it must," Humpty Dumpty said with a short laugh; "my name means the shape I am - and a good handsome shape it is, too. With a name like yours, you might be any shape, almost."

"Daemon laughed "I'm only at the service of one person in particular"My cheeks flamed as I scooted my chair over. "You are not servicing me in any way."He leaned in, closing my newly gained distance. "Not yet."Oh, come on, Daemon I'm right here." Dee frowned. "You're about to make me lose my appetite."Like that will ever happen." Lisa retorted with an eye roll."

"Oh, you need Alan to betray Nick and then you'll steal Nick's powers and kill them both," said Mae. "Great idea. Hey, can i come? I'll bring a picnic lunch if you promise not to let blood get on the sandwiches."

"How did I end up in this situation? I'm the district sales manager of a napkin factor. Why is my daughter in space?"

"And I was all, "Don't be gross, you crustacious fuck. You pull that thing out and I'll pepper-spray you until you fry." (You have to be stern with weenie waggers--I've been exposed to on the bus over seventeen times, so I know.)"

"Don't you just hate that, you meet a girl she seems pretty nice, you tell all your friends and before you know it she turns out to be a vampire, don't you just hate it when that happens?"

"I don't appreciate people who celebrate their dog's birthdays with "dog parties," and then invite their friends who don't even have dogs. I understand why people like dogs, and I think they definitely bring more to the table than cats or those godforsaken ferrets, but I don't think it's healthy for people to treat their dogs like they are real people."

"A horse blanket, Mel?I remembered what I was wearing. 'It tore in half when Hrani tried washing it. She was going to mend it. This piece was too small for a horse, but it was just right fo"

"New Yorkers, I figured, just pretended to be unfriendly."

"A human hires a hit man to kill his cousin for money, boring. That same hit man botches the job twice, funny. Then the desperate hit man sends a ghoul after the girl to finish things up, my curiosity's piqued. That same ghoul ends up with his head cut off by a mysterious redhead . . . Ah. Now I'm interested."

"California is a fine place to live, if you happen to be an orange."

"There are several theories on sex and all of them are lies."

"You think he left a big flashing arrow pointing to a filing cabinet labeled 'Evidence Here!'? He's a Stray, Ethan, not Wile E. Coyote!"

"He swiveled his head towards Eddie. "Tell me how to get over to the Four Lads. Do I have to die again"If he did, he had a Beretta on him and he knew what kicking the bucket from a gunshot was like. Snore."Don't bother." Adrian cracked his knuckles. "They're not going to tell you anything. They can't."What the fuck? "I thought I worked for them."You work for both sides, and they've given you all the help they can."Jim looked back and forth between the two angels. Each of them had the tight expression of a guy with a shoestring noosing up his balls."Help" he said. "Where's my goddamned help"They gave you us, asshole," Adrian snapped. "And that's all they can do--I've already gone over and asked them who's supposed to be next. I figured it would help you, you ungrateful bastard."

"Great minds think alike-especially when they are female."

"When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back"