Funny

"If you want more development in your relationship, move to an urban area."

"If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?"

"Let me get you all some punch,” I said.“You're leaving us?” said Isabel, sounding panicky.“I'll be right back,” I promised. “If anyone comes near you, just scream and run."

"Manners, boy. I'll beat them into you if I have to."

"Political debate: when charlatans come together to discuss their principles."

"What was worse, he couldn't tell her how much he thought he maybe might kinda sorta love her."

"Mooooon!” said the Ogre. “Tranquility …” Then he pointed at the full moon. “Neil Armstrong walked in a sea of Tranquility.” Then he added, “It’s made of cheese. But you have to take off the plastic before you put it on a burger.”Mickey sighed.“What’s his story?” the wraith asked.“He’s chocolate,” Mikey said."

"I lacked the knowledge of linear perspective needed to get into the art school, so now I whitewash walls and imagine I’m heaven’s landscape painter."

"And off we go, out onto the highway looking for a little fun. Perhaps a flatbed truck loaded with human cadavers will explode in front of a Star Trek reunion. One can only dream and hope."

"Is that what you were doing in my room?” he asks after a moment. I sigh. Why am I telling him any of this? “Yes. I was on assignment.”“I was your assignment?”“Yes.” He hesitates a moment, then grins. “That’s kind of hot."

"Kid 1: *examining my gorgeous strawberry and blueberry pies*: Wow, Mom, your pies don’t look awful this time. Me (Ilona): ...~A little later~Kid 2: *wandering into the kitchen*Kid 1: Hey, you’ve got to see these pies. *opening the stove*Kid 2: Wow. They are not ugly this time. Kid 1: I know, right?"

"You couldn't be romantic if your life depended on it." "You know what's lucky? Most bad guys don't ask you to be romantic on command, so that probably won't matter."

"Kicking a police car? Really' Caleb shrugged. 'Car offended me. It was sitting right where I wanted to stand. What would you do?"

"I do not know what it was about that boy but just looking at him, even I wanted to clout him on the head. It was a head that invited violence."

"I can only drive slowly."That's all right."And I can only do left turns."Rose ran downstairs, grabbed a road atlas, and ran triumphantly back up again. "Wales is left! Look! It's left all the way!"

"It was exciting to be off on a journey she had looked forward to for months. Oddly, the billowing diesel fumes of the airport did not smell like suffocating effluence, it assumed a peculiar pungent scent that morning, like the beginning of a new adventure, if an adventure could exude a fragrance."

"This is really good,” Donovan Caine said, attacking his third strawberry pancake. “You sound surprised,” I said. He shrugged. “I just didn’t think an assassin would be able to cook like this.” “Well, I do get lots of practice with knives. You could say I’m multitasking.” The detective froze, his fork halfway to his mouth. “I’m kidding. I enjoy cooking. It relaxes me."

"I shed a tear when I meet somebody who always quits. Reliable people are so rare in this world."

"David tells me that fairies never say 'We feel happy': what they say is, 'We feel dancey'."

"My darling, you are indisposed! You must remain abed for the next eight months. Little Buford - "I am NOT naming our child Buford..."