Funny

"Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air."

"Fredrika Bimm, what do you think you're doing"Freaking out. Losing my mind. Thinking about snapping your husband's spine. Squashing the urge to vomit. Wishing I had died at childbirth."Oh, you say that when you don't get a prize in your Lucky Charms."

"(Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?"

"Treat each other like human beings? But the other great apes have no class hierarchy."

"Then, almost as an afterthought, she turned and locked the bathroom door. If he thought he was going to seduce her, make her stupid enough to believe his lies by getting her into bed, he'd better think again. She stepped into the water. Besides, women didn't lose brain cells at the thought of sex. Only men did."

"Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out. Did I fart?"

"Henry narrowed his eyes at me. "You going somewhere"Lacrosse field trip," I said. "I enjoy whacking the hell out of people with mallets."

"Well," Ben went on,"someone should just tell her to come on home, because she can find the world's largest balls right here in Orlando, Florida. They're located in a special display case known as 'my scrotum.'" Radar laughed, and Ben continued. "I mean seriously. My balls are so big that when you order french fries from Mc Donald's, you can choose one of four sizes: small, medium,large, and my balls."

"As we drove uptown, I spotted a Kmart on a corner,with its familiar red sign. I cleared my throat."Wait. Can we stop for a minute"What for"Just - I need a few things."He looked irritated, but pulled into a metered space. "We don't really have time to go shopping."I glared at him."yeah, excuse me for being so frivolous. You have your suitcase all packed already; I dont even have clean underwear. I'll be right back."

"Weetzie could see him--it was a man, a little man in a turban, with a jewel in his nose, harem pants, and curly-toed slippers. "Lanky Lizards!" Weetzie exclaimed."Greetings," said the man in an odd voice, a rich, dark purr."Oh, shit!" Weetzie said."I beg your pardon? Is that your wish?"

"He's all right. His hair is cute."Jonas froze, his lobster fork halfway to his mouth. " Oh my God, you're in love."I'm not in love."'his hair is cute'? You never say anything nice about anyone. Coming from you, cute hair is a mating call." I talked to the guy for thirty seconds. And then he waved at me while i was in the tank."Holy fuck, you're getting married, aren't you!" Will you simmer. I certainly am not."

"And," added Mikey. "she's my sister."The others looked at him for a moment, and broke out laughing."Yeah, yeah," Squirrel scoffed, "and the Mc Gill is my cousin."Now Allie burst out laughing, which made Mikey more annoyed."If the Mc Gill was your cousin," Mikey said, "I can guarantee he'd disown you."

"IMBECILE!" the chef shouted. "Next time why don't you just put your whole HAND in the food, hey? Yes, your whole hand, or maybe your FACE! I arrange the food on plates with care, are you understanding what I am telling you? It is part of the art form of cooking, yes? A lovely plate of food is a thing of beauty! And then you, NUMBSKULL, come along and put your fat greasy FINGERS all over my plate, and SHAKE the plate, and move my food all around the plate until it looks like pigs' vomit!"Chef Vlad!" I cried out in delight."

"When I sell liquor, it's bootlegging. When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it's hospitality."

"They walked to school, talking about how much they were longing for the summer holidays."Oh, I am planning things," said Jamie. "Great, great things. I could join a band."You gave up the guitar after two lessons."Well," he said, "I could be a backup dancer."Backup dancers have to wear belly shirts and glitter," said Mae. "So obviously, I support this plan."

"What the hell am I doing...? Escape holding myself as a hostage...? I won't be able to make it like that..."

"Finding the book was like kissing a lightning bolt."

"The doctor seemed especially troubled by the fact of the robbery having been unexpected, and attempted in the night-time; as if it were the established custom of gentlemen in the housebreaking way to transact business at noon, and to make an appointment, by the twopenny post, a day or two previous."

"Kyo Sohma: angrily pointing at Yuki Just like I'll beat you one of these days Yuki: looking bored Wait wait I think I've heard this one before"

"You didn't have to go to the fireworks with him. Or - or let him fondle you."Fondle" Raisa raised her eyebrows, "When did I mention fondling?"