Steven Wright
"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?"
108 Quotes
"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?"
Steven Wright
"I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time."
Steven Wright
"If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny."
Steven Wright
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
Steven Wright
"Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time."
Steven Wright
"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."
Steven Wright
"Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before."
Steven Wright
"It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself."
Steven Wright
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