Steven Wright
"I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am."
108 Quotes
"I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am."
"أحببتُ المدرسة، لكنني كنتُ أخشى تلك اللحظات التي تستدعيني فيها المعلمة لإلقاء تقرير شفوي. كنتُ أُجبر نفسي على التعامل مع الموقف وألا أُفكر في الصف أمامي؛ أن أحتفظ بملامح هادئة، وأُقدم التقرير، وأُركز على إنجازه بشكل صحيح. هكذا أُؤدي عادةً. هكذا أنا."
Steven Wright
"When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction."
"عندما أموت، سأهب جسدي للخيال العلمي."
Steven Wright
"If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?"
"إذا كنت على متن مركبة فضائية تسافر بسرعة الضوء، ثم أضأت مصابيحها الأمامية، فهل من أثر لذلك؟"
Steven Wright
"You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor."
"أتعرف تلك الآلات التي تلقي فيها الأغصان فتقذفها مطحونة؟ هذا ما أفعله تماماً. الأغصان هي الحياة، ألقي بها في رأسي، وبعضها يخرج دعابة."
Steven Wright
"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."
"كل مكان قريبٌ منك إن ملكتَ الوقت."
Steven Wright
"I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things."
"أُعجب بنكات جورج كارلين وفكاهته اللاذعة. إنه من قدواتي، وأقدّر فيه قدرته الفذة على تناول تفاصيل الحياة اليومية."
Steven Wright
"I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6."
"أملك خريطة للولايات المتحدة... بحجمها الطبيعي. مكتوب عليها: "المقياس: ميل = ميل". قضيت الصيف الماضي في طيها. ونادراً ما أفردها. يسألني الناس أين أعيش، فأقول: "E6"."
Steven Wright
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
Steven Wright
"Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before."
Steven Wright
"Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for."
Steven Wright
"I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was 'woman."
Steven Wright
"So I figured I'd leave the area, because I had no ties there anyway except for this girl I was seeing. We had conflicting attitudes: I really wasn't into meditating and she wasn't really into being alive. I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate has an expiration date."
Steven Wright
"Once I tried to kill myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying."
Steven Wright
"Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish."
Steven Wright
"I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier theywouldn't have to go so fast."
Steven Wright
"The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les."
Steven Wright
"If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?"
Steven Wright
"Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on theroad an hour."
Steven Wright
"I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it."
Steven Wright
"Hermits have no peer pressure."
Steven Wright
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