Humor

"As heirs to a legacy more than two centuries old, it is understandable why present-day Americans would take their own democracy for granted. A president freely chosen from a wide-open field of two men every four years; a Congress with a 99% incumbency rate; a Supreme Court comprised of nine politically appointed judges whose only oversight is the icy scythe of Death -- all these reveal a system fully capable of maintaining itself. But our perfect democracy, which neither needs nor particularly wants voters, is a rarity. It is important to remember there still exist other forms of government in the world today, and that dozens of foreign countries still long for a democracy such as ours to be imposed on them."

"The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs."

"Platitude or not, the crowd erupted into applause, and by acclamation, Kuni Garu became the Duke of Zudi. A few pointed out that titles of nobility really couldn't be handed out in such a democratic fashion, but these killjoys were ignored."

"Tribal Chief 1: The will of the people is what is best. That is what democracy means Tribal Chief 2: But if the people don’t know what they are talking about, how can that be the best?"

"A totally befuddled voter may look at a Vote for Mc Govern sign and do just that."

"It's fun telling you tall Texas tales. You always look like a little girl who's hearing Cinderella for the first time."

"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer."

"The vote was taken at once, and it was agreed by an overwhelming majority that rats were comrades. There were only four dissentients, the three dogs and the cat, who was afterwards discovered to have voted on both sides."

"[Janco] paused. His eyes held a distant gleam as if seeing into his past. 'My first practice was a shock. I was a cocky smart aleck--'[Opal] 'Was'[J] 'Be quiet. I'm telling a story here."

"Whatever story you're telling, it will be more interesting if, at the end you add, "and then everything burst into flames."

"When you get crapped on, grow a garden."

"Yes, life is hard, but it's not a bad way to pass the time. When all is said and done, I recommend it."

"If you take things the wrong way, be aware of which end is up"

"(after Quigley explains that the ghosts have been feeding off of their misery)Toma: So, what, we should think happy thoughts?!Duane: That is not a talent of mine."

"Life's a shit sandwich, my ass. Life's a polka and don't you forget it!"

"On Wall Street, the lawyers play the same role as medics in war: They come in after the shooting is over to clean up the mess."

"A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge."

"The legal profession is notorious for complicating the simples of things."

"On the stand, I asked the witness, “What's your occupation?”“Make-up artist.”“Objection!” I replied, “Lack of foundation."

"Laywers, I suppose, were children once."