Humor

"Though,' observed Sloan profoundly, 'where there's a will there's usually a relative."

"When I pass the bar, you'll be barred from bars but put behind them."

"There are two Newman's laws. The first one is "It is useless to put on your brakes when you're upside down." The second is "Just when things look darkest, they go black."

"But the law is an odd thing. For instance, one country in Europe has a law that requires all its bakers to sell bread at the exact same price. A certain island has a law that forbids anyone from removing its fruit. And a town not too far from where you live has a law that bars me from coming within five miles of its borders."

"It struck Mort with sudden, terrible poignancy that Death must be the loneliest creature in the universe. In the great party of Creation, he was always in the kitchen."

"Today the same thing over. I've got it up the tree again."

"Had I been present at the Creation, I would have given some useful hints for the better ordering of the universe."

"God didn't make Eve from Adam's rib. He took out half of Adam's brain by accident."

"Yes, she'd made a mistake... but she wasn't going to be bullied. You couldn't let boys go around raining on your lava and ogling other people's watercolors."

"Mankind's biggest blunder, ignorance. Mankind's second, infallible."

"There was hardly an eminent writer in Paris who was unacquainted with the inside of the Conciergerie or the Bastille."

"You look tired," Rachel told Jason."I wish I could jog and sleep at the same time."Can't you" Ferrin asked, joining them at the little cascade. "I always imagined that you could sleep rolling down a mountainside in a barrel."I probably could today," Jason conceded."

"Making love to a person in their sleep is the only guarantee they'll wake up with a smile on their face."

"In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps.
"

"For me, it's always a little sad getting out of bed. Every morning after I get up, I always gaze longingly at my bed and lament, 'You were wonderful last night. I didn't want it to end. I can't wait to see you again."

"I love sleep. I need sleep. We all do, of course. There are those people that don't need sleep. I think they're called 'successful."

"I spread eggshells all over my room, so anyone who tries to get close when I sleep will know what they're walking on"

"Be honest with yourself; set the alarm for the time the Real You will get up, not the Ambitious You, because the Ambitious You doesn't really exist."

"Are you always so cynical' said Angelica.'No,' said Katherine. 'Sometimes I'm asleep."

"One of the Georges," said Psmith, "I forget which, once said that a certain number of hours' sleep a day--I cannot recall for the moment how many--made a man something, which for the time being has slipped my memory. However, there you are. I've given you the main idea of the thing; and a German doctor says that early rising causes insanity."