Humor

"For many years, February was a difficult month for me after the death of my parents. My father died in February, just a week before my mother's birthday. For years their loss cast a pall over the month. I missed them terribly. But time has changed things. I see my father often in the face of my son and I run into my mother daily each time I pass the hall mirror."

"We want Max to... breed. To produce heirs. Who will govern the world after she dies."Dead silence for quite some time. We all stared at Dr. Hans, our jaws dropped to various levels. Our lives had reached a new low of inhumanity. My face flushed. Part of me had assumed, hoped, that if Fang and I lived long enough, we would get married. Maybe have a little flock of our own. But i really hadn't planned it all out. And he was gone now, anyway. How could I possibly ever find someone... My eyes scanned Dylan's face, I saw his discomfort."Oh, no," I said in horror."Yes," Angel confirmed. "Freaking unbelievable."

"When did my house turn into a hangout for every grossly overpaid, terminally pampered professional football player in northern Illinois"We like it here," Jason said. "It reminds us of home."Plus, no women around." Leandro Collins, the Bears' first-string tight end emerged from the office munching on a bag of chips. "There's times when you need a rest from the ladies."Annabelle shot out her arm and smacked him in the side of the head. "Don't forget who you're talking to."Leandro had a short fuse, and he'd been known to take out a ref here and there when he didn't like a call, but the tight end merely rubbed the side of his head and grimaced. "Just like my mama."Mine, too," Tremaine said with happy nod. Annabelle spun on Heath. "Their mother! I'm thirty-one years old, and I remind them of their mothers."You act like my mother," Sean pointed out, unwisely as it transpired, because he got a swat in the head next."

"When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day"

"They watched the rain and downed their Cokes like a pair of diabetics in a suicide pact."

"The only way to cry your eyes out and laugh your ass off at the same time is to have your mom or girlfriends present. Without them, the laughing part wouldn't be nearly as fun."

"Such are the foolish dreams of idealistic children who believe that anything can possibly get better over time."

"It's my letter," she began. "I cannot make it right."Come in, come in," the Prince said gently. "Maybe we can help you." She sat down in the same chair as before. "All right, I'll close my eyes and listen; read to me." 'Westley, my passion, my sweet, my only, my own. Come back, come back. I shall kill myself otherwise. Yours in torment, Buttercup.' " She looked at Humperdinck. "Well? Do you think I'm throwing myself at him"It does seem a bit forward," the Prince admitted. "It doesn't leave him a great deal of room to maneuver."

"Oh, why had the Labyrinth brought me here?As soon as I thought this, I chided myself: Of course it would bring me where I least wanted to be. Austin had been wrong about the maze. It was still evil, designed to kill. It was just a little subtler about its homicides now."

"let’s face it: Most girls are annoying. I mean, most humans are annoying, so it’s not specific to girls. Also, I don’t really mean “annoying.” I guess I mean that most humans like to try to fuck up your plans."

"Black holes are the last vestige of civilizations obsessed with tinkering."

"Maple thought optimistically that human beings, on their good days, weren't much dimmer than sheep. Or at least, not much dimmer than dim sheep."

"Monkeys are superior to men in this: when a monkey looks into a mirror, he sees a monkey."

"Said by Colin the dragon:"It's somewhat bizarre to learn that many of you (humans)think that other humans are somehow different enough to be hated and killed, when in reality you're all all tiresomely similiar in outlook, needs and motivation, and differ only by peculiar habits, generally shaped by geographical circumstance."

"Our societies probably work best if they mimic as closely as possible the small-scale communities of our ancestors. We certainly did not evolve to live in cities with millions of people where we bump into strangers everyone we go, are threatened by them in dark streets, sit next to them in the bus, and give them the finger in traffic jams."

"All cows were like other cows, all tigers like all other tigers - What on earth happened to human beings?"

"The wise man sees the fool & laughs & the fool never knows why"

"What is with these guys? Where's the thrill in watching snakes eat?I certainly didn't thrill in watching humans eat."

"But giving drugs to a cat is no joke, Kemp!"

"Yes, but humans are more important than animals,' said Brutha.'This is a point of view often expressed by humans,' said Om."