Humor

"We drove out of New Paltz heading due north. Squeezed into my tiny hatchback, among our boxes and bags, were my dog, Nico, the hens, and the humming hive of bees, its openings covered over with tape. The dog eyed the hive, the chickens eyed the dog, and if the bees weren't nervous they were the only ones."

"As llamas have never heard of oxygen, they do not miss it."

"Whales are silly once every two years. The young are called short-heads or baby blimps. Many whale romances begin in Baffin's bay and end in Procter and Gamble's factory, Staten Island."

"This was like being in one of those National Geographic magazines. We were among the natives now."

"There are 2,500 kinds of sponges, all of them consist largely of holes."

"If it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it could be a really ugly swan."

"A few alligators are naturally of the vicious type and inclined to resent it when you prod them with a stick. You can find out which ones these are by prodding them."

"We were restless for ages... After a while I heard an owl hooting and calmed myself by thinking of it flying over the dark fields – and then I remembered it would be pouncing on mice. I love owls, but I wish God had made them vegetarian."

"As for hearing, the sloth is not so much deaf as uninterested in sound."

"...only someone who'd never been an animal would put up a sign saying not to feed them..."

"The first moment someone calls for a revolution is usually the last moment I take them seriously."

"I love it," I say. "So I learned it." It's an explanation that leaves a lot out. But I learned a long time ago that people don't really want explanations."

"What is she doing here? I wondered. Hasn't she had enough green-upping?"

"The only ironic thing about that song is that it's called 'Ironic' and it is written by a woman who doesn't know what irony is. That's quite ironic when you think about it. (on Alanis Morissette's 'Ironic')"

"In certain circumstances, basically shit ones, it’s fight or flight. With Tommy it’s always fright and flight."

"In life there are squares and there are circles, sometimes it's best to be an oblong"

"It's early on a beautiful winter morning. The house is quiet. The sun is shining. I'm thankful. I'm happy. My cup runneth over. Now there's coffee everywhere."

"Sleepwalking is the perfect exorcise for lazy people"

"She forks up a little nibble and wedges it in her mouth. "Yum," she croaks. Mrs. Wong looks pleased. "It's made with tofu."I can't resist. "Free-range tofu"My mother looks over at me sharply. Mrs. Wong takes the bait. "Now, Cassidy, tofu isn't an animal," she chides. "It's soy bean curd. Soy bean curd doesn't need to roam free."On the floor below me, Emma lets out a little snort. I nudge her again with my foot. We're both grinning at the thought of a corral somewhere with little cubes of tofu wandering around. "Home, home on the range," I sing to her under my breath. "Where the deer and the tofu roam free..."

"I'm gonna be percy Jackson when I grow up," she told Hazel solemnly. Hazel Smiled and ruffled her hair. "That's a good thing to be, Julia."Although," Frank said. "Frank Zhang would be good too."