Humor

"Because we were a poor area, the school had a small budget and was unable to teach the second half of the alphabet."

"High School: Oh, man. This is where boys and girls go from tweens to teens and become complicated and cruel. Girls play sick mind games; boys try to pull each other's penises off and throw them in the bushes. If you can, buy the most expensive jeans in a two-hundred-mile radius of your town and wear them on your first day. If anyone asks how you could afford them say that your father is the president of Ashton Kutcher. When they are like, 'Ashton Kutcher has a president' answer, 'Yes.' Everyone will be in awe of you and you won't have to go through a lot of pain and cat fights."

"Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF."

"Colleges hate geniuses, just as convents hate saints."

"Don't forget to give Neville our love!' Ginny told James as she hugge"

"Unseen University had never admitted women, muttering something about problems with the plumbing, but the real reason was an unspoken dread that if women were allowed to mess around with magic they would probably be embarrassingly good at it…"

"When men and women produce a baby together for the first time, it's an absolute festival of mutual incompetence. From The Wife Drought"

"When men and women produce a baby together for the first time, it's an absolute festival of mutual incompetence."

"Not all gays respond to the same stuff. Would Alexander the Great have loved Auntie Mame?"

"When I lose control, I lose my cool and I pass the point of no RTN."

"There are a lot of things I can't control. I don't know what's going to happen in the next few days. I don't want what I am going to face, what kind of choices I am going to have to make. I can't predict it. I can't control it. It's too big.' I nodded at my shovel. 'But that, I can predict. I know that if I pick up that shovel and clear the snow from the walkways, it's going to make my neighbors safer and happier.' I glanced at him and shrugged. 'It's worthwhile to me."

"She had only two modes of operation: complete control or complete insanity."

"I get out of the car, and I'm blasted by the stench of body odor. Cricket is beside me, and he's talking, but his words don't reach my ears. Because it's my mother. Smelling. On my porch."

"She ran into the bathroom and powdered her face and the front of her dress, drew a surrealistic version of a mouth beneath her nose, and dashed into her bedroom to find a coat."

"She hadn’t seen gold since she’d lastbeen to her father’s home, when she would sneak off to meet him. Smiling at the brief memory of, as her mother called him, “the onewho gave me the seed which allowed for your presence."

"You ask me if you can eat dinner in your room, but you don’task me if you can torture Éibhear to take you flying?”Truly perplexed, Izzy asked softly, “Why would I ask you that?"

"What’s wrong with him?”“Nothing. He’s just. . just. .” “Just what?”“A peacemaker.” And she’d dropped her voice to a whisper. “What would I do with a peacemaker?” “The same thing I did with a whore."

"WHAT DOES AN OLD MAN GAIN BY EXERCISINGwhat will he gain by talking on the phonewhat will he gain by going after fame, tell mewhat does he gain by looking in the mirror Nothingeach time he just sinks deeper in the mud It’s already three or four in the morningwhy doesn’t he try to go to sleepbut no--he won’t stop doing exercisewon’t stop with his famous long-distance callswon’t stop with Bach with Beethoven with Tchaikovskywon’t stop with the long looks in the mirrorwon’t stop with the ridiculous obsession about continuing to breathepitiful--it would be better if he turned out the light Ridiculous old man his mother says to himyou and your father are exactly alikehe didn’t want to die eithermay God grant you the strength to drive a carmay God grant you the strength to talk on the phonemay God grant you the strength to breathe may God grant you the strength to bury your mother You fell asleep, you ridiculous old man!but the poor wretch does not intend to sleep Let’s not confuse crying with sleeping"

"Mother are wife are saints, If they are not together"

"Mother and wife are saints,If they are not together"