Humor

"Helen likes Brussels sprouts. How can anyone trust her opinion?"

"Yes, and you did it spectacularly. They were the best non words ever not spoken."

"When she shines we all bask in her happiness, but when the thunderstorms come in, let me warn you, find a faraway hiding hole." Dorothy Broadbelt, lady in waiting to Queen Elizabeth 1."

"Miss Edmonton: I don't even know where to start. It's too horrifying to even speak of. Jenny: Nonsense. Let's start with the basics. What did your aunt tell you?Miss Edmonton: My aunt said that my husband will come into my room and pull my skirt up. And then he'll put himself inside of me. She said it hurts. She suggested I hold my tongue and pretend I am somewhere else until he is done. Jenny: Yes. I should think it would hurt if you did it that way. Good heavens."

"I wondered what he would have thought if he'd known that I'd gleaned most of my information from reading historical romance novels."

"Simon did not solve problems, he just shamed them into going away."

"Sci Fi: When there's a serious problem and everyone decides to solve it sensibly."

"No I didn't spell that wrong it's just the Canadian version"

"Talking about a problem sometimes makes it worse."

"...there is the sheer emotional, intellectual, physical, chemical pleasure of your children. The honest truth is that the world holds no greater gratification than lying in bed with your children, putting your leg on top of them in a semi-crushing manner, while saying sternly, "You are a poo."

"Toys have taken over my family room. I watch Mary Poppins, and no matter how many spoonfuls of sugar I eat, action figures won’t march into a bin with the snap of my fingers."

"Real motherhood is different. It's better and it's messier and it's more complicated. It will break your heart and make you laugh harder than you ever imagined. You find yourself alternating between feeling like your friends talked you into some sort of pyramid scheme so you could share in their misery and thinking this is the most fulfilling thing you've ever done in your life."

"It's tough being AWESOME all the time, but the kids need someone to look up to!"

"One very important key to maintaining our daily sanity is a simple scheduling tactic I call Putting Things the Hell Off."

"These days, “getting lucky” means drinking an entire cup of COFFEE while it’s still HOT!"

"It had been six weeks since I brought my second child, my daughter, kicking and screaming into the world. Six weeks, that magic number men everywhere look forward to and women dread."

"On a good day, my style is librarian chic. On a bad day, it's frumpy mother."

"MOMB - noun - One who can deal with all of the INSANITY of being a MOM... Because she's the BOMB!"

"Even AWESOME MOMS use the F-BOMB!"

"I suffer from CLAUSTROPHOBIA, a fear of closed spaces. For example, I’m petrified that the WINE store will be closed before I have time to get there!!!"