Humor

"Though breastfeeding is supposed to the most natural thing ever, it seems like a rich-people sport for all the stuff we buy to help."

"If nursing were easy, there wouldn't be so many helpful products."

"In case you haven't heard, let me tell you now, babies do not come out knowing how to breastfeed."

"I can absolutely assure you that birth is nothing like holding an ice cube in your hand for a minute and breathing through the "pain."

"Go hug a nursing mom -- but not too hard. Her boobs may hurt."

"Heaven is the feeling of hand warmers on sore nipples."

"The physical relief of having fully drained boobs cannot be overstated."

"I think I would scream too if someone violently jammed a big ass breast in my mouth."

"If we wear our nursing covers backwards like capes, then everyone can see we're breastfeeding superheroes."

"Excuse my dress. I was half an hour late this morning. When you lose half an hour in this house, you never can pick it up again, try how you may. -Reverend Finch's wife"

"Poor woman! She probably thought change of air might agree with many of her children."

"Every working mother has the things she dreads, things that keep her up in the night – pink eye, an ear infection, the parent-teacher conference, the school play – all forcing her to remind the people she works with that she is not, in fact, wholly devoted to business enterprises, but has another secret life. For me, the night terror is the 5 a.m. phone call from the nanny."

"I am often slow in catching up to the times, but even so, I still cannot even grip this idea: With nothing more than pitocin in your IV drip, you can sooner control the date and time of the birth of a human being-- the gushing entry into the great blue world of a whole new person-- than you can the scheduling of a few line cooks in your operation."

"Mother doesn't cook, Ignatius said dogmatically, She burns."

"You know you're a mom when you open the door to the dishwasher mid-cycle and think, 'This is the closest I'm going to get to a spa treatment till next Mother's Day.'"Joining the words 'Lose Weight, Effortlessly!' in the same sentence may be a form of hate speech."Try to make time for the things that are important, not just the things that are urgent."I want my work to matter, my words to count for the good, and to spread some good cheer along the way."

"Half the time your kids end up hating you for at least 5 of their teenage years[.] And don't ever expect anything so mundane as a thank you"

"Obama's plan for "change": Let's do everything Bush did, only with more suck! Because it just didn't suck badly enough the first time!"

"Quite possibly the only infinite power in the universe may be the human capacity for self-deception."

"Jersey Shore has killed more brain cells than alcohol, cocaine, and meth combined."

"They who suspect a Mephistophiles, or sneering, satirical devil, under all, have not learned the secret of true humor, which sympathizes with gods themselves, in view of their grotesque, half-finished creatures."