Humor

"It's a good thing, right, when an author gets turned on by the dirty scenes they write?!"

"Of course, fingers are one thing. A cock is quite another."

"In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded."

"I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here."

"Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you."

"The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be."

"Never memorize something that you can look up."

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

"At the Slavemarket:“How is her disposition?” “Meek as meek can be; we tried training her in the care of sheep, but they bullied her, and drove her to tears.”Iayd turned to Fudail’s henchman Falih. Falih was a bald, fat man charged with keeping the slaves in line. His face bore scars that seemed to indicate that he had just recently tried to rob an eagle nest whilst the eagle mother was still at home. His legs stood knock-kneed and he held his groin as if something serious was amiss with the heirlooms entrusted him.“I swear to you, she is an angel sent to earth to spread kindness,” Falih said, his voice somewhat out of pitch. Something must be wrong, thought Iayd."

"... I had been brought to boil twice with no pasta."

"While the churches, bringing the sweet smell of piety for the soul, came in prancing and farting like brewery horses in bock-beer time, the sister evangelism, with release and joy for the body, crept in.silently and greyly, with its head bowed and its face covered."

"What the hell is instant? Nothing is instant. Instant rice takes five minutes, instant pudding in an hour."

"Perhaps it is a good thing that we don't live long enough to realize how redundant things seem :)"

"An autobiography is inherently incomplete unless the last page is written on the eve of the author's demise."

"When your diary is full and your life is empty, get a date"

"Life is like a DVR recording. The story goes on, but you cannot see it until you fast forward through the commercials"

"Life is like a one rung ladder, some days you can be on the top and bottom of the world at the same time"

"The truth about life is complicated, indefensible and embarrassing."

"Life is like a double-blind experiment. And the Observer is the only One in on the Know."

"It is logical to look for a green fowl in a dark room even if you know the chance of finding a green fowl in a dark room is slim."