Humor

"Simply put, dramatic irony is when a person makes a harmless remark, and someone else who hears it knows something that makes the remark have a different, and usually unpleasant, meaning. For instance, if you were in a restaurant and said out loud, "I can't wait to eat the veal marsala I ordered," and there were people around who knew that the veal marsala was poisoned and that you would die as soon as you took a bite, your situation would be one of dramatic irony."

"... Her body twitched from his magic. "What is this feeling" She panted as she asked the question. Her body felt pleasantly soft. His motions slowed and became languid."It's called an orgasm," he replied in that slow, silky way of his. She loved his voice when it got thick like honey. Most of the time he spoke so quickly that she lost track. She liked it when his tone got deep and husky. "You should have one every time a man touches you. If you don't, punch him in the face."

"The truth is I’m a chicken shit coward who’s afraid of a girl like you. When I’m with you, I want things I never thought I’d be able to have, or deserved, and that scares me a little. I’m just a regular guy who works in a bar and you’re this beautiful person who shines brighter than the stars. I think I just made up some cheesy poetry so I’ll stop while I’m ahead. If you feel like talking, give me a call. ~DSophie sat down on the floor and, through blurry eyes, reread the note so many times she had it memorized. She was going to do more than give him a call."

"A brief hush fell over the table when the guy from the bar approached. After he finished depositing their drinks in the center of the table, Lynn jumped on the opportunity to flirt, winking and smiling prettily at him. “Thanks, cowboy.” “Cowboy?” Reaching for her appletini, Piper laughed. Lynn shrugged. “When I picture him in my bed, I see a Stetson and a saddle.” Something well-known among their group, ever since she watched John Travolta in Urban Cowboy, she was on a mission to secure herself her very own cowboy. “I bet you see a branding iron too,” Jules snickered. Lynn’s thoughtful gaze trailed after him as the bartender returned to making drinks."

"That was some powerful shit. Like mind and pussy-numbing, fuckilepsy inducing, reproductive organ-exploding powerful. You really are some kind of flogger wielding sex God."

"You can’t even begin to fathom the amount of fucks I do not give about what you want."

"Baby girl, five minutes alone with me and you're gonna be begging me to taste your pie."

"She’d run over Dankyo in an instant to get to Theo. Be a darn big bump in the road, but she’d do it."

"If you lie there much longer, I’ll be tempted to tie you to the table legs and try buttering your ass instead of the toast."

"To better understand our love, I revisited chemical kinetics."

"I find love is more of a bacterium than a virus unless you are comparing it to herpes."

"I fared excellent on the zombie apocalypse assessment; however, I did not do so well on the surviving without your love questionnaire."

"Sometimes I dig holes for people to fall in. Then I shout, “I've got you!"

"He is a unicorn. I want to gently capture him and bring him back to my lab for research."

"I hope your only rocky road is chocolate."

"I'm not trying to put you down, but even if I did, you'd have nowhere to go."

"Let's play Russian roulette. If you win, I give you a Colombian necktie."

"Love is blind. Especially in the morning, because I can't see a damn thing before having coffee."

"It's a watch me watch you watching me kind of love"

"When you find yourself surrounded by sane people excited about your idea and lending support, you realize, perhaps, you are not as crazy as you think you are"