Humor

"What I'am learning is the world laughs through its ass every day, then just lies double-time when shit goes down. It's like we're on a Pritikin diet of fucken lies. I mean - what kind of fucken life is this?"

"All of which does not alter the fact that Pnin was on the wrong train."

"Wrath: look at how their folklore portrays our species. There's Dracula for Christ's sake, an evil bloodsucker who preys on the defenseless. There's piss-poor B movies and porn. And don't get me started on the whole Halloween thing. Plastic fangs. Black capes. The only thing the idiots got right are that we drink blood and that we can't go out in daylight. The rest is bullshit, fabricated to alienate us and stimulate fear in the masses. Or just as offensive, the fiction used to create some kind of mystique for bored humans who think the dark side is a fun place to visit."

"The next morning I had Twentieth-Century American Poetry at MCC. This old woman gave a lecture wherein she managed to talk for ninety minutes about Sylvia Plath without ever once quoting a single word of Sylvia Plath."

"Doakes had a first name! It was Albert - had anyone ever really called him that? Unthinkable. I had assumed his name was Sergeant."

"You ought to give up detecting and try fantasy writing, Strike"

"We can get you a throne with snakes. I’ll stand next to you and roar at anybody who fails to grovel. Fear Kate Daniels. She is a mighty and terrible ruler. Grendel can anoint the petitioners with his vomit. It’ll be great . . ."

"Sometimes, to fix something, you need to completely ruin something else"

"I think you'll find that I'm qualified to deal with practically everything, if I choose. That last part, of course, is essential. --Devyn Du Chien"

"Marcus and Ellie exchanged a worried look and examined the bag again. Sure enough, the gold was gone."

"... the novel, arguably the author's best, had a disquieting power, like a sleeping crocodile."

"Either help or give up. Right now devil's advocate is just another name for asshole."

"There are fascinating possibilities in this situation. I'd get it down on paper if I were you."

"You say ‘cure.’ I hear ‘you’re not human enough."

"Everyone Deserves An Equal Footing."

"Suddenly, she employed those very English weapons: devious good manners and a rapid change of subject."

"When people say there is no place like home, the first to agree are the homeless."

"There was one floor that was all gynecologists. They could tell by the remnants of weird optical contraptions- all the convoluted tools men use when they're searching for the source of their anxieties."

"I always say a little prayer when I put cakes in the oven,” remarked Eve, as she stopped to kiss Rose good-bye.“What do you say?”“I say, ‘Please, God, don’t let me forget I’ve put that cake in the oven."

"It was 5:30 in the morning, and Wally’s coffee maker was just completing its automated process, yielding its much appreciated nectar for Richard’s consumption. He filled the biggest cup he could find two-thirds of the way up, and then opened the cabinet, selecting an espresso shot from the shelf. It proclaimed in bright red letters: “WARNING HIGH CAFFIENE. LIMIT 2 PER DAY”. Richard laughed a little as he dumped four of them into his coffee"