Humor

"imagine there's no heaven..." he said. "Apparently someone is taking that personally."

"Once upon a time all the men of mind and genius in the world became of one belief- that is to say, of no belief. But it wearied them to think that within a few years after their death many cults and systems and prognostications would be ascribed to them which they had never...intended. So they said to one another: "Let's join together and make a great book that will last forever that will mock the credulity of man... We'll include all the most preposterous old wives' tales now current. We'll choose the keenest satirist alive to compile a deity from all the deities worshipped by mankind, a deity who will be more magnificent than any of them, yet so weakly human that he'll become a byword for laughter the world over- and we'll ascribe to him all sorts of jokes and vanities and rages, in which he'll be supposed to indulge for his own diversion, so that the people will read our book and ponder it, and there'll be no more nonsense in the world."

"Endgame,” Sam muttered, not really expecting Caine to hear.“Yep,” Caine said. “That’s right. Endgame. The FAYZ barrier is coming down; at least that’s mybet. But there’s also a ninety percent chance you and me both end up dead. Ten percent chance weboth actually get out of here alive. In which case we end up sharing a cell somewhere.” He laughed.“Kind of unfair, really, what with me being evil and all, and you just so darned virtuous and heroic."

"If consultants followed their own advice, they wouldn't tell anyone."

"The old Televisions had an off switch."

"For I must tell you, gentle reader, that Geralt the Witcher was always a modest, prudent and composed man, with a soul as simple and uncomplicated as the shaft of a halberd."

"The book didn't want to be copied?I should introduce it to the house that doesn't want any occupants."

"Time makes fools of us all. Our only comfort is that greater shall come after us."

"You are so lost to your higher self that you would resent me for my achievements, rather than celebrate them with me, sexually?"

"Irony of the day: arthritis medication with a cap that old people can't get off, because of their arthritis."

"The whole damn century would've made more sense backwards. Where we ended is worse than where we began."

"Has all the trappings of a mystery novel, doesn't it?"

"I took my .38 out and looked to see that there were bullets in all the proper places. I knew there would be, but it did no harm to be careful. And I'd seen Clint Eastwood do it once in the movies."

"In the State of Denmark there was the odor of decay..."

"Ironic, isn’t it?” Shawn said.“It’s not ironic at all,” Gus said.“Dude, it’s so like a black fly in your chardonnay.”“How many times do I have to tell you that’s not ironic, either?”“Rain on your wedding day?”“‘Irony’ is the use of words to convey a meaning that’s opposite to their literal meaning,” Gus said. “That stupid song came out fourteen years ago, and we still have this exact conversation at least once a week.”“Yeah,” Shawn said. “Ironic, isn’t it?"

"Maugham then offers the greatest advice anyone could give to a young author: "At the end of an interrogation sentence, place a question mark. You'd be surprised how effective it can be."

"I'm being ironic. Don't interrupt a man in the midst of being ironic, it's not polite. There!"

"I don't want to hurt anyone" Laszlo fiddled with a button on his tux jacket. "Can't we convince the CIA that some of us are peaceful" "we'll have to try" Angus folded his arms across his broad chest. "And if they doona believe we're peaceful, then we'll have to kill the bastards." Roman frowned, somehow their Highlander logic escaped him."

"You see, the mailman saw your husband during one of his walks."He's my fiancé," I told her. "We are living in sin."Heather blinked, momentarily knocked off her stride, but recovered. "Oh, that's nice."It's very nice. I highly recommend it."

"He had had much experience of physicians, and said 'the only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not'."